I'd Rather It Be Me...

 

Good day Lovies. I hope you're all having an awesome day. This blurb might perturb some but as always, I am going to write what is on my mind and you can either agree or disagree, but you don't have a choice but to respect me.

I was having a chat with one of my brothers earlier today. I am not going to reveal his name because I am not one to do that (unless I am in extreme rage or I know its perfectly okay)... anyways, as you all know, I have been going through some rough crap, moreso lately than ever before.  Basically, our convo was about possible remedies, anything that will help ease my pain and anything I can possibly digest and actually keep in... I can never express my gratitude and love for the family we have all created together... all us black sheep, outcasts, misfits and TOTALLY AWESOME people are the greatest tribe anyone could ask for. I love every single one of them.

Ugh, sorry... brain is wandering. Back to convo...

At one point he commented on how much he wishes that I wasn't going through this pain. Without skipping a beat, I told him that I'd rather it be me than a loved one. I agree with him, that our family would all say the same thing. 

I guess its just hard for people to understand that I truly mean this. I am a healer and have always been able to heal other people; unlike myself. I cannot handle seeing people hurting or sick. I'd rather take the world on for them. Yes, I do realize this seems irrational to some of you, and I know, in my head, that I cannot heal the world, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't want to.

Well, I feel like I am kinda babbling right now so I am just gonna give you a brief update...

The past few weeks have been a challenge I can't even really describe. I am lucky if I can a cup of fluid into me in 24 hours. I hadn't eaten since Saturday (until this morning). My sleep has been very restless as nothing helps ease the pain and I am NOT prepared to go back on fentanyl patches. I will share that RSO (Rick Simpson Oil) is my godsend, but I cannot stand the "high" it gives you; the body high is fantastic because it literally paralyzes me for minimum 10 hours. Like anything, its starting to get expensive. Here in the city its average $20 a gram, where if I go to a location I know 3 hours away its $10. It doesn't help to have a script for it because it is not covered regardless. Just one more reason to absolutely hate our useless government...

Anyone with half a brain knows that marijuana is a pretty much cure all, and if you don't.... read Rick Simpson's story!!! I understand that the government is a very shady business who knows full well that curing someone is not lucrative to them, a cured patient is no longer a client... remember that!!! It frustrates the shit out of me that the government will keep supporting and supply people with medication... a band-aid if you will. Nothing like governing over the very people you're killing, rather than protecting and truly taking care of. (This is NOT my Canada!!!)

Holy crapola, I totally got off track again...

I need to end this on a good note. I wanted to share that I ate this morning, and it has stayed in all day :) I have been up and alert for much longer than I have been in quite a while. I am taking this win. I am kinda fading now, so need to end this, but I want to thank you all for taking the time to read my blog and thoughts. I appreciate each and everyone of you. Please stay blessed my lovies... until we chat again, stay safe and be loved.

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