No Longer Making Excuses Nor Apologies

 I know this may sound bizarro to so many people but I am having such a hard time hearing the words "You deserve...". I am very strong on the words "I love you", when I am giving it to people. I truly will not say those words to those who I do not love but it is nearly impossible for me to hear those words and feel that they are sincere, even when they are coming from the best of friends. (Please don't take offense... my "Triangle" know exactly WHO they are and my love will NEVER change for them and I KNOW a thousand percent that their love is legit... not because of material things nor just from the words, but by their actions!!!)

I have sat back for DECADES and chewed back shit... literally; I cannot and will not allow myself to be a doormat any longer. I will no longer be biting my tongue because frankly a tongue is mightier than the sword and is soooooo much more fun for other things (I'll leave that to your imagination!)... I need to go back to the chick I used to be, the one who stood tall, on her own two feet and really tall in her own convictions (Which is a very hard feat to accomplish for someone who is only 5 foot 1... just kidding).

One of the lessons I am learning is I need to stop apologizing for how I feel, or for what my reaction is to other's crap. Its not my fault when you've had a shit day and I am no longer taken ownership for your BS. Deal with your drama but don't bring it to my front door! I am way too old for high school shit (Fk, I was too old for high school shit when I was in high school LOL). Its a time for peace and for me to start living my life the way I want to live it and for once, learn to accept happiness at face value and trust what the universe presents to me.

I do want to make something VERY clear, I am done apologizing for the way I am when it comes to my heart. I am a very caring individual. I will give you everything and do everything within my power to always show you the beauty you hold within; but I will no longer tolerate it being taken for granted or me being abused just so YOU can feel better... and I am talking ANY kind of abuse (financially, emotionally, mentally, sexually, etc.)

I am going to leave you with two things that are going to return to being the motto of my life...

1. I am me. I will not conform to your ways and compromise my dignity, my word or my name just so you can feel better about yourself and... 2. always remember what YOU think of me is none of MY business.

If you can remember that, then things will be just fine. Stay blessed everyone :)

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