Adoption - Not Always What You Think

I don't think people realize the amount of pressure that is placed on people who are adopted.  I understand as a child, we are rescued out of the depths of hell sometimes and placed into some very loving homes; but what others don't realize is the agony and anguish some of us adoptees feel for the rest of our lives.

Sure, we may have been given clothes on our back, roofs over our heads and what seems to be very loving and caring parents... and even I will admit, that where I was placed was a million times better than where I probably would have ended up had I stayed with the woman who gave birth to me (no, I won't even refer to her as "mother" because spitting out a child, doesn't just automatically give you that title!).  But this is not the pressure I am talking about...

Now that I am grown and continue to have my own personal demons to deal with... I was fortunate enough to never get involved with drugs, nor ever feel the need to turn to alcohol.... I still feel this incredible burden that people place on me, simply for being adopted.  I cannot count the times that I am told I should be grateful.... I should count my blessings... etc... etc... BUT do you have any idea what it is like growing not knowing first of all where you come from, or why you were not wanted (or taken) in the first place?  Or do you know what it is like to walk the earth always wondering if there are more blood relatives out there, and are they looking for you?  Even though it may sound ridiculous to some, we also feel that somehow if we were better as infants or children, our parents would have kept us.  There is no way to put into words, the amount of emptiness and confusion this brings to me now, as an adult... nevermind as a child.

In a way, I was lucky that I was not physically abused by my adopted family and I never lacked for material things but let me tell you (and they will deny this, of course), there was emotional abuse and DEFINITELY mental abuse happening.  People who know my family for the most part, don't know what happened behind closed doors and those who did, chose to brush it under the rug, like any other issue that would make their society look bad; but I am here to say it happened.  I can tell you I was told "I wish I never laid eyes on you" and "I wish I never adopted you" on more than one occasion; and to a biological child MAYBE those words would go in one ear and out the other because they were said in anger but as an adopted child, they are etched into your soul!!  They make you question so many things and feel that you are now being rejected for a second time... first by your birth family, regardless of the circumstances; and then again by your adopted family (or by whomever said it).

So while I firmly believe that as a whole, adoption is a wonderful thing; people need to remember that it is not always what it seems and cannot assume that an adoptee should simply be grateful because they were "chosen" and are somehow obligated to simply accept any treatment they get because it is something far better than what they would have gotten had they been left behind.

Don't get it twisted and think that my entire life was bad, because it wasn't; but don't pretend that my life was simply divine because I was adopted and therefore I need to be eternally grateful for having the life I had thusfar.  But for those who sat back and watched how I was treated and did nothing about it, shame on you.... and for the others who sat there and watched, believing it was just an "out of control teen"; maybe you should have stepped in to see what was really going on instead of pushing religion and God on me, insisting if I prayed a little more, or go to church more often that things would get better!!  Maybe look inside the walls of that very church you were trying to push me into and really see where the MONSTERS lie!!

And that my friends, is my advice to you!