It's Been an Eventful Kinda Day!!!

Hi y'all. Hope today has been good to you. I am kind of saying that with a grain of salt because I know for some this day is going to be very trying; but I want them to know, the tribe is 100% beside them and surrounding them with our love. We will help and lift you through all of this, that is a vow brother.

I am going to get to talking about my day, because truthfully anything else is not my story to tell.  Grab your fave brew, whether it be coffee, wine, or beer... get comfy and let's dive in...

This news is going to kind of screw with some people because a. they have known my stance on things for quite a while. b. I didn't tell anyone other than my bf and my one brother. c. honestly didn't know if I was ever going to put myself through it again... but I have.

My parents came out to see me today. We went out for coffee and I had the chance to share everything that is going on in my life. Now, in order to understand why this is big news, you need to understand a lil about our history. The last time I saw my parents was last Christmas, where they officially met my 3 (yes, I said THREE) year old granddaughter, and before that? I hadn't seen them in about 3 years. Our "relationship" is super twisted and more often than not, I just prefer to not acknowledge that I have parents at all. Its a LONG STORY, and today is NOT the time to write about it....

Our visit to the coffee shop went reasonably well. I managed to get them to avoid discussing religion as much as possible. I have accepted a long, long time ago that they are set in their ways, and will always choose their church and religion over me and my children. Frankly, I am okay with it because my kids have more than enough people to truly love them. I am not with either one of their dads but we are doing great co-parenting. I will NEVER bash my ex when it comes to being a dad because he has done one fine job; its a teachable moment here, parents need to love their children more than they hate/dislike/despise their ex... it really IS that simple!!!

We did have a few chuckles, and I am pretty sure the crackheads that were out and about, talking to themselves at the coffee shop, saved me from getting too riled up and really speaking my mind. Why do I keep my mouth shut? No matter how life (or them), treated me; I absolutely respect my elders. When it came to showing love and being the unconditional loving parents was not meant for me, but I DO credit them with me getting a great education and a strong sense of morals... I was out of their place in my early teens, but I was able to keep my wits about me... not touching drugs nor alcohol. 

Anyways, this isn't what I wanted to get into...

This is where things get interesting. Tonight, I get home and I have a letter in the mail. Yuppp, its the one I have been dreading. I have a month and 13 days before I face the music at the cancer clinic. I see my family doctor, probably next week now, as I don't want to hear any more shitty news, especially on my kid's birthday, (among others who are extremely close to my heart). Let him give me the news, whatever medical crap is happening on top of the big "C", on a day that is not associated with anyone because I cannot face another day that should be a celebration be marred by my BS.

Anyways, let's call it "C" day, but for a very different reason... Let's call it "Conqueror" Day (Go listen to Jussie Smollet's "Conqueror")... its going to continue to be my theme song as I show cancer who the real bitch is!!! 

"I'd rather stand tall. Than live on my knees. I am a conqueror. I won't accept defeat. Try telling me "No". One thing about me... is I am a conqueror!!"

So that was the kinda day I had. I am ending this day in a decent mood. 

I am once again, grateful for every single one of you. I know I am blessed to have some amazing souls in my life; people I know who are going to be pushing and pulling me through the hard times and loving me through the good ones. People who are my biggest cheerleaders and even if I am not feeling particularly thankful, in a moment, please don't hold it against me... This is a massive battle I am facing and none of my disappointment, emptiness, frustration or anger has to do with any of my lovies... it will however be the very battle that defines me and my spirituality.

Just remember, I am strong right now... but it flips very quickly... ML&R

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