Just Stop

Hi lovies. It is now evening time and I am just so lost in my own head... hell, how is anyone supposed to save me, when I can't even find the way? I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to tell people I am fine... because at the end of the day, who really gives a flying fuck??? I am the last person who will be a burden on anyone. I will take my life, long before it ever comes to that. No, I am not in suicide mode or anything like that, I am just being as straight up as I possibly can.

Yah, cancer is just the latest challenge that the Universe has so graciously bestowed on me; and I have an amazing support team. They are trying their hardest to push and pull me through this, keep saying I am a strong person... Like fuck I am!!! What I am is fkn tired!!!

Please don't get it twisted. I love my tribe. My brothers and best friend are desperately trying to support me through this, but I don't really have a lot of faith in this round. I have been internally screaming for months, only recently sharing what is really going on. I have been the girl who faced everything on her own. I have been shot at. I have been stabbed. I have bones that were broken. I have literally been clinically dead 3 times over the past, almost 5 decades. I have been raped as a child. I was sexually assaulted as an adult. I have woken up to find my spouse dead beside me in bed... you name it, I have been through it or part of it.

No, this isn't a pissing contest, I am just trying to show you that I have been through far more than the average person and I no longer have the strength to push through. I can only pray that all my loved ones can lean on each other and continue living the beautiful life they deserve. I pray to the gods in hope that they will let everyone know that I am no longer in pain. I also hope they allow me to haunt all my tribe.

Stay blessed everyone. I love you

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