Searching for My Bio Family - My Personal Journey

 

I MAY NOT HAVE MENTIONED THIS YET, BUT I AM ADOPTED AND I HAVE GONE THROUGH THE DIFFICULT JOURNEY OF SEARCHING FOR MY BIOLOGICAL FAMILY AND WAS (UN)FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO FIND THEM – WELL, AT LEAST SOME OF THEM!  HINDSIGHT IS ALWAYS 20/20…. I JUST HOPE THAT MY EXPERIENCE CAN HELP SOMEONE AVOID THE ANGUISH THAT I FELT AND CONTINUE TO FEEL!

I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS FOR ALL ADOPTEES, BUT THIS IS MY JOURNEY, SO HERE IT GOES… ALL MY LIFE, THERE WAS THE QUESTIONS OF  – WHERE I CAME FROM?  WHO WAS MY FAMILY?  HOW DID I END UP HERE?  WHAT WAS MY BACKGROUND/HERITAGE?  AND I WAS DETERMINED TO FIND OUT, EVEN CALLING EVERY SINGLE PERSON WITH THE LAST NAME I WAS GIVEN AT BIRTH (ALTHOUGH LATER I LEARNED MY LAST NAME WAS SPELLED WITH AN “U” INSTEAD OF AN “I”. ~ IMAGINE HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT I FELT LIKE AFTER CALLING PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF NUMBERS?)  LOL.  HINDSIGHT PEOPLE!!

ANYWAYS, THE PROCESS HERE IS YOU CAN JOIN A REGISTRY AND IF A BLOOD RELATIVE ALSO REGISTERS, THEN YOU ARE MATCHED; A WORKER WILL CONTACT YOU AND THEN YOU ARE GIVEN THE OPTION OF MEETING.  I RECEIVED THE BIG NEWS ON MY 19TH BIRTHDAY AND I DID NOT HESITATE TO MEET THE WOMAN WHO GAVE BIRTH TO ME; IN FACT, I WENT TO MEET HER (AND THE 3 SIBLINGS I DIDN’T KNOW I HAD) THAT VERY DAY.

OF COURSE, I DIDN’T GO INTO THE MEETING COMPLETELY BLINDSIDED, NOR DID I GO ALONE; BUT NOTHING QUITE PREPARES YOU FOR THAT MOMENT AND NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU TRY TO TELL YOURSELF NOT TO EXPECT ANYTHING, YOU ALWAYS HAVE A LITTLE HOPE THAT THERE IS A CONNECTION; THAT THE PIECE YOU’VE FELT MISSING WILL INSTANTLY BE FILLED.  WELL, LET ME TELL YOU, IT DOESN’T HAPPEN LIKE THAT!

THE BEGINNING OF THE VISIT WAS CORDIAL AND I WAS SOMEWHAT COMFORTABLE, BUT I COULDN’T CALL HER “MOM” OR “MOTHER”, EVEN THOUGH I HAD STRUGGLES AND CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE WITH THE WOMAN WHO ADOPTED ME (WHO WILL ALWAYS BE MY “MOM” NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS).  THIS WOMAN KEPT CALLING ME BY MY BIRTH NAME, WHICH STRUCK A NERVE WITH ME BECAUSE I HAD REPEATEDLY ASKED HER NOT TO DO THAT BECAUSE IT WASN’T MY NAME AND SHE COULDN’T EVEN RESPECT ME WITH THAT.

SHE INSISTED ON ME CALLING HER “MOM” AND ALTHOUGH I DIDN’T HAVE ANY CHILDREN OF MY OWN AT THE TIME, I FELT SHE DIDN’T DESERVE THAT TITLE; AND SINCE BECOMING A MOTHER I FEEL EVEN STRONGER ABOUT IT.  JUST BECAUSE YOU “SPREAD YOUR LEGS AND SPIT OUT A CHILD” (SORRY FOR THE BLUNTNESS); IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU AUTOMATICALLY DESERVE THAT HONORARY TITLE!!  I ALREADY KNEW FROM THE ADOPTION AGENCY WHAT HAPPENED AND HOW I ENDED UP IN THE FOSTERCARE SYSTEM AND ADOPTED BUT I WASN’T QUITE PREPARED TO HEAR HOW MY OTHER SIBLINGS’ FARED.  IT’S NOT THAT I HAD FORGOTTEN HER PART IN EVERYTHING, BUT I COULDN’T GRASP HOW SHE PLAYED MENTAL GAMES WITH MY SIBLINGS AND TOSSED THEM AROUND AS PAWNS, ONLY AROUND WHEN CONVENIENT FOR HER.

HERE WE ARE, 23 YEARS LATER AND I DON’T SPEAK TO HER, NOR ANY OF MY SIBLINGS AT ALL.  I HAVE TRIED ON VARIOUS OCCASIONS TO BRING HER BACK INTO MY LIFE AND EVEN MY CHILDREN’S LIVES BUT THE WOMAN IS JUST TOXIC AND I DON’T WANT TO SUBJECT THEM TO THAT KIND OF POISON AND AM ALMOST SORRY I EVER BROUGHT THAT KIND OF EVIL INTO THEIR LIFE AT ALL. 

I WON’T EVEN GET INTO WHY I DESPISE THE WOMAN SO MUCH RIGHT NOW, BUT SHE IS THE REASON I HAVE SERIOUS “DADDY” ISSUES… BUT NOT THE KIND THAT USUALLY GOES WITH THE TERM.  THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS FOR ANOTHER POST.  FOR NOW, I JUST WANT ADOPTEES TO SEARCH FOR THEIR BIOLOGICAL RELATIVES IF THEY FEEL THE URGE TO LOOK INTO THEIR PAST, BUT PLEASE ENTER WITH EYES WIDE OPEN AND TRY NOT TO HAVE HIGH EXPECTATIONS… I HOPE MY CAUTIONARY TALE CAN GIVE YOU A LITTLE INSIGHT INTO WHAT CAN REALLY HAPPEN.

BE WELL MY FRIENDS

UPDATE: This was originally written in 2018. I can say that I have found my paternal side of my family, absolutely no thanks to the woman who spit me out. Again, it was a very difficult decision because I did not want to ruin the family he may have had... at the time, I had no idea what would happen. Sadly, we found him after he passed away. I did however, gain a sister and a brother. I am not sure what the future holds; and despite the insanely rough journey it has been. I still hold out hope!!!