Double Standards

Good Morning everyone. I hope you all have a fantabulous weekend. Its been a bit of a rough go as of lately, but I am trekking through it, like I always have. I am not here to disclose everything that is going on, but I am going to dive into something that is really irritating to me, and I feel people need to open their eyes and start seeing things like this too.

Here's to hoping you can read this with an open mind, because if you can't then it's time for you to close this blurb. I have zero use for haters and I will not stoop myself to their level. This is my view and opinion, and I already know it won't be met with a lot of approval.

For those of you who don't know, I have a pretty tumultuous relationship with my daughter; when it is good, they are really good but more often than not is gets extremely toxic. I am not saying I am a saint, nor even a great mum; but I did try and before I even get into anything about why I am writing this blurb, I want everyone to know that I love her, but frankly, I don't like her.

Yah, you heard that right... I love her, but don't like her... Now I am waiting for people to pull their hissy fits over that comment; but this is where the double standards comes in...

Anyone who knows me, knows I have a lot of trauma from growing up. One being adopted, so I have a lot of difficulty trying to process the why and how a woman gives birth to their own child and abandons her/him when they are five months old. Two, I have an adopted mother, who let's be real... provided me with a roof over my head and a good education... that's pretty much it. 

I never lacked for material things; but what was non-existent, was love, compassion, empathy and understanding. I always say, I'd rather live in a shoe box than conform to anyone's ways (This is what caused major issues in my family because they are ultra religious Christians and I am not)... Yes, I believe in God, but I also don't think I need to be in a building or belong to any organized religion to do that.

I am getting way off course here with what I was trying to bring to the forefront and get people to really think about it; so here it is...

Why in society is it okay for people to say that their mom/dad was toxic to them and they want nothing to do with them? This seems to be the norm for society in this day and age, BUT it is not okay for a parent to step away from their adult child, who is toxic. Why is that such a taboo thing to say?

Don't worry, I hold myself accountable for the things I have actually done, and admit at times that I wasn't the greatest mom. I am not making excuses at all. What I am having a hard time with, is how it would be okay for my kid to run around telling everyone that I am toxic and she desperately tries to make everyone choose her side. I understand the need to feel like she is making valid points, but when she is coming out with things that are flat out lies, it becomes bothersome. 

Again, I will NOT post her name, nor all the shyt she is throwing out into the universe because frankly, those who know me, know the truth even without me saying a word. Its the defamation of character and slander that is really getting to me. I am still choosing to take the high road and not react nor try to defend things I didn't do. I am simply going to continue with my journey... so as I said before... I love my daughter, but I do not like her one bit. 

Will there be healing some day?  Probably not. We have gone down this road too many times and she is a grown ass adult who until she takes accountability, will continue to be toxic to me.  Does that make sense??? I wish her well and hope she has a good life. I don't wish ill-will on her in the slightest... I think it is this simple... we as individuals are great people, but together we are insanely toxic; so on my journey of recovery and healing for myself, I cannot have her in my life. 

I am, for the first time in my life, choosing myself first. Which is freaking excessively difficult for me, because I feel I am being selfish as I have always put others before me. (Conditioning I have to unlearn). I guess coming from both perspectives, I wish people would open their eyes and see that its not just parents who can be toxic, and it shouldn't be taboo to say that your child (son or daughter), is toxic and even though you love them dearly, you cannot have them as part of your life. That is my message for today.

Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Be loved. Blessed Be my Lovies!!!