Onward and Upwards...

 

It is page 3 of 366...

Hello my beautiful Lovies, how are you today? I have been really slacking on finishing getting my house organized the past couple days and I am not making any BS excuses for it, I could simply barely move yesterday and today, I just took a day to wander aimlessly throughout the place, trying to figure out where things are going to go and how I would like my home to look like. I know I have a lot of things to do like painting and putting furniture in their rightful place; but I want to take a moment to thank someone who has been here quite a bit lately; going above and beyond what was required, ensuring that I have a decent and safe home to live in again.

Before I get to what is happening tomorrow, there is someone else I need to thank (you know I don't use names, but they know who they are)... I am so grateful for you as you have literally kept me sustained and nourished the past few days. I hate feeling so useless on that part, but it's people like you that make me see that its okay to have a big heart for the right people. Thank you.

Tomorrow is going to be a "haul ass" kind of day, as I have a friend coming over and she is going to help me get more and more organized. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you beautiful! You comment that I have been a "blessing" to you, but I don't think you realize how amazing you are yourself; and as I say to many others, I truly wish you could see yourself through my eyes, or the eyes of your loved ones. You are far more than what you are thinking and feeling... I can promise you that!!!

Now as for why I am really writing this blurb today...

People have tried to come at me lately, in any way they can. I think the easiest response to that is this... you are insignificant when it comes to me and my life. Try your hardest, as I am sure you are. I just want to make it clear to the (m)asses that I have zero intention of giving up nor falling down the rabbithole ever again. I feel an inner strength, I have not felt in years. You all are right, the loudest response I can give these "birds", is NO response at all and simply carry on, leaving the pissants behind me.

Yes, I am facing some of the biggest battles in my life, medically; but falling as far as I did a couple months back has truly shown me who has got my back, who is there for me and who is not. I have found that my tribe has me in ways I never thought would happen ever again. Truthfully, I always felt I needed to conquer the world on my own... turns out, that there ARE people out there who truly love me and consider me family... yah, we all know how much I can't stand that word because its a difficult one for me; as "family" always meant toxicity to me. I am very grateful and blessed that my tribe has had the patience and the guts to show me that they are NOT vanishing on me and I CAN beat this and every demon that has come my way. 

I only hope I can be the same beacon of hope for others. You guys give me hope. You give me peace, but most of all, you guys show me that love is a powerful thing and probably in the first time EVER, I can say that my love is completely matched. Does that make sense??? People who know me, I mean REALLY know me, know that I love fully, completely and without judgment. I love with every fiber of my being and although I have been told that I shouldn't be like that, I refuse to lower the level of my love because others have treated me badly. I refuse to give up on those who never gave up on me. YES, I have learned that I have to be more selective of who I share that love with and when it is reciprocated or when it is being abused... Let's just say, that is still in the learning stages.

I am actually quite happy to write this blurb today because I am honestly proud of how I have been handling everything that has been and is being flung at me. I have risen above the hate and BS, and chosen, once again, the higher road. This route may have a lot less people one it, but it has MY people on it; and I thank each and every one of you for that. I don't think there are words enough to express how amazing all of you are. I am soooooo blessed for this.

Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Be loved.  Blessed be my beauties

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