And She Continues to Rise...

 

Page 47 of 366. I'm back again. This has been a weird week for me; so not sure how long this blurb is going to be, but let's just get 'er done!!!

This week was supposed to be all about "love" as we had the ridiculous holiday of Valentine's Day... a day I never understood because frankly I am not a girl who likes flowers (other than sunflowers and daisies), and I am not fond of being plied with insanely expensive things that on any other day are a quarter of the price. I don't believe there should be a day set aside for loving your spouse or partner... that should be 365 days a year. Just my opinion!!!

It had been a hard week for another person I care about a lot. I won't mention names, nor pretend to undersand what they are going through as I didn't and don't have a close relationship with anyone in my family. I just wish them peace and want them to know they are on my mind and am always around if they need a shoulder or an ear.

I am, again, not going to say names but there is also another person I want to bring up today. I know that this weekend is going to be difficult for them. I fully respect the need for privacy and that everyone deals with grief and death in their own way; what is good for me, may not be good for another... no judgment!!! Just know I am here for you and will continue to be. If you need me, you know where I am, even if it means just sitting in silence together. As I say to everyone I care about, I WILL sit in the dark with you... it's who I am and one thing I will never change.

I cannot promise that time heals all things, nor does time make the pain any less... we all just simply learn to live with the loss of the ones we love. I have been on this journey for a good 14 years now and I can honestly say that the last little while, (I can't give you a moment in time when my mind shifted), I have been able to look at the world again with love in my eyes... a love that reaches the very core of my soul. 

This is not saying that I have not loved through this past decade and a half... I am simply saying that I have much more clarity in my life than I have had in a very long time. I don't want to pretend that I didn't have relationships after my Teddybear died, because that would be a lie. I CAN say that I have never been able to give my heart fully to another since his passing because in my warped sense of being, I felt I was betraying him somehow by opening my heart to another man. Time has taught me that it is okay for me to love again and that I was worthy of that love. Wayne would never have wanted me to sit in the corner and wither away... 

Yes, I know many have told me this but no one seemed to understand that I didn't need to "hear" it... I needed to FEEL it. It was a journey I had to take on my own and figure out for myself. I know my famILY all had the best of intentions when they pushed me forward, even getting to the point that I truly felt I had met the one for me. Again, I will NOT bash him, as things ended the way they did, because the universe obviously had something bigger in store for me. I will not tear apart the love him and I shared, as I feel he is a good man and I wish nothing but the best for him.

I am following some sage advice I heard years ago. Sometimes, you need to keep the victories or happiness in your life to yourself because not everyone will be happy for you; some people in fact, will be down right ready to destroy your happiness because they just are bitter about life themselves. So honestly, all I am going to say here is this...

I am happy. I am at peace. I have been excited about this chapter and the many chapters that still need to be written; because for the first time in my life... it is the universe that is guiding me... it almost feels like the planets are perfectly aligned for this "fresh start". That is something I have NEVER said before, at least not with the confidence I feel now. When the time is right, all things will be revealed; until then, I hope y'all continue to read my blurbs as I begin to work on projects that are goals for the future. I am on the rise... SOARING really!!!

Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Be blessed. And most of all, BE LOVED!!! 

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