I am Trying

 

I am back with more that is on my mind. I know it should be "practice what you preach", but I am more of a "preach what you pracitce" kinda girl. I don't like feeling like a hypocrite or fraud when it comes to my life and my feelings.

I know that I am constantly writing about how we need to accept things the way they are and let go of the things we cannot change... 

Yah, well... ummm I am not so good at that. I have zero patience for life, or the universe to take its sweet ass time deciding what is best for me. There are very few things I am certain of in this life, but the few that I am... I stand very tall in my convictions. 

When it comes to my heart, I will always love and be the healer I am; but I AM getting way better at being selective as to who is getting my love. I have weeded out a lot of people out of my life since we have very little in common and we are all reaching for different goals... lesson or blessin, right???

I admit, I am struggling with a lot; not just health nor mental health... my heart hurts. I cannot say names here because that is my policy but certain situations are really scaring me.

Do you have any idea how intense it can be when you share your love with someone, and decide to commit to them and build a future together, but the future remains uncertain??? Do you know how much faith it takes to be in my (or his) position??? I am trying so hard to trust the gods and universe to allow the "happily ever after" for us; but I am more of a doer... I HATE leaving my fate to the gods/universe because we all know how that has been working all these decades... this one seems different though.

I am going to be flat out with this topic because.... I am ME, and who would I be if I didn't just speak my truth, right???

I have touched on this before...

I met someone almost a year ago, when life had taken a wild turn for me and he was in a situation of his own, that I am not explaining because it is his story and his alone to tell. Let's just say meeting of the minds happened that night. I don't know if it was the stars aligning, although I'd like to think so...

We were both dealing with shyt and soon discovered the reality of our own personal situations and we were there for each other; neither of us mincing words to appease the other... it was quite refreshing to be able to open up to someone who is pretty like-minded, but also very much his own person. We don't agree on everything, and that is okay as long as we keep communication open and not resent the other's views. He has opened my eyes to things I never really "seen" before, and I assume I have been doing the same for him. 

The most fascinating part about this is we share similar beliefs, for the most part. This makes life so much easier, if you have the same core beliefs, you have something to build on... if that makes sense?!! I can also admit, he is nothing like anyone I have been with before... and this is exactly who I needed. I have been down a crazy path when it comes to relationships, or the men in my life. 

He is (simply put) a breathe of fresh air in my life. He is a good man... patient, kind, loving and caring. I won't divulge how we met but I can say that he was the knight in shining armour from the second we met. I never felt in my life that I needed saving, as I am a conqueror and know how to wield my own sword pretty good; but I gotta say, it felt amazing that someone who had no clue who I am, but stood up for me on principles and morals of his own.

Anyways, I don't think I need to gush about him too much. He knows exactly how I feel. I DO want to thank him because he actually is showing me what family is about... in the sense, that I LOVE watching his relationship with his mother... whom I have befriended and eternally blessed for her coming into my life too... That's it, that's all for this blurb. Blessed Be.

~Phoenix