I'm Just Curious

 

Hi. If there is anything I would like people to learn... it is this very statement in the picture...

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE DOES NOT MEAN UNCONDITIONAL TOLERANCE. UNLEARN THAT!!!

If there is anything you can take from my life stories, THIS is key!!!

As I have told you all, I am very ol school and I will always remain that, despite all the trauma and bullshit I have been through. I will continue to love the way I do... with every fiber of my being... and anyone who knows me, knows this is one of my greatest qualities, but also one of my biggest flaws. I can change a lot of things within me, but this is NOT one of the things I will compromise on.

Loving wholeheartedly usually comes with consequences... some of them pretty dire. I "allowed" sooooooo much shyt to happen in my life, and to me, all in the name of "love".  Loving some the way I did, was literally toxic for me. I used to make decisions based on emotions rather than logic... maybe it was because I was young and naive, or maybe it was because I felt that I could help "fix" that person ~ you know, the stupid thing most of us have done at least once in our lives.

This brings me to a conversation I had with someone a while back. He couldn't understand why people make the choices they do. I could only speak of myself, when I explained, I chose to be with this particular person because I felt it was all I deserved. We had similar upbringings, both seen the rough sides of living on the streets and the upside of having friends who were family. Was there love? Absolutely. The truth remains that I felt THAT is what I deserved. I felt for a long time that I didn't deserve a good man because I would one day be the ruin of him. This man told me that I deserve a "good man", and my response was ... SHOW ME ONE!!!

Re-read that!!! I believed that was all I deserved... It dawned on me, at that very moment, I had been conditioned to believe that and in fact, I deserved the world too. I deserved someone who equaled my love, my trust, my loyalty, my respect, my honour and most of all, my effort.

It was at that time I decided I was going to take a break from the dating scene and just focus on me... my healing. I had forgotten what it was like to make myself a priority as I always was putting people/partners ahead of me. I had decided that I didn't want my previous traumas to be laid on the next person I chose to be with. Why should he suffer for the crap that was imposed on me from shitty humans??? 

Funny thing though... people always say when you stop looking for love; that's when it will appear. Truer words hath ne'er been spoken.

To be continued...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

FFS I Matter Too!!!

Image
Good evening lovies. I have been struggling with something that is very close to my heart. I truly do not know where to proceed next. I'm going to try and make a very long story as simple as I can... I was adopted at 5months of age, (well apprehended at 5 months, adopted at 5 years). There is something that adoptees yearn for all their lives... WHY?  I know for me there were many questions and on my 19th birthday it appeared I was going to get those answers when I met the woman who birthed me. Unfortunately, I was sorely mistaken!!! Years went by, and I allowed this woman to have control over certain things that were weighing heavily on my heart, She held the one piece of the puzzle that felt missing from my heart... who my biological father was?!! I, one day decided that I wasn't going to allow another person have that kind of control over me... EVER!!! I left the situation alone. I struggled deeply. I was literally at war with myself. on this topic. In a way, I felt guilty th...
Read more

It's a Hide Under the Covers Kinda Day

Image
Page 14 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. I really, really hope your day is going better than mine!!! Sorry, woke up at the asscrack of dawn, as I had a doctor's appointment this morning.  Thankfully it was with my family doctor; appointments with him are fairly painless.  Today, however; things kinda went sideways.  I am usually in and out within 10 mins for these appts, but today? I was there for over 45 minutes. Of course, it didn't help that I was puking maroon blood in the office. I know, I don't share a lot of my medical nor really personal stuff on here, but just so you're aware, this has been happening daily since end of May/beginning of June last year. I am what they call an "anemic blood clotter" which I didn't think was possible, but apparently it runs on the paternal side of my family. Anyways, that was the main focus of my visit after that. My stomach medication is being switched AGAIN, this time I am being set up with an antibiotic (which is cra...
Read more

Tis the Season.... Why I Am Proud of Local Tattoo Shop!!!

Image
  Page 307 of 366. Good Afternoon Lovies. I am not sure how long this blurb is going to be; as it seems to be a topic I have been beating to death this past year. I know it is the time of the year where we switch from Halloween/Samhain into Thanksgiving (in the US) to Yule/Christmas season.  I hate pointing out this fact, but people seem to feel like Christmas time is the only time of the year that they should be charitable...  Is it out of guilt that you are donating, or is it because you genuinely feel you should be helping people??? I AM sort of calling you out because this is NOT the only time of the year that the homeless, or the downtrodden need help. I cannot stand that this is around the only time you will see non-stop commercials/ads or billboards that are asking for help with various charities; also the time we see commercials about driving under the influence. WHY IS THAT??? Driving under the influence is a year-long problem... I will not get into details about...
Read more