Sorry, Not My Circus!!!

 

Page 44 of 366.  Hello my Lovies. Today's page is going to be a bit of a mess, as I am trying to write what I am feeling about a situation without revealing who is all involved... so please bear with me, as I try to navigate through this shitstorm.

Let's just say that I am very grateful for all those who have stayed in my life, despite me going through hell and dragging some of them with me... those who have held on no matter what, and rode the storm until we saw the sunshine again.  

THOSE people are MY famILY!!! I know we all have people like this in our lives and I suggest you thank them and continue to be the same to them. This is where the difficult part of my blurb comes in...

I, as always, am not going to mention any names here and after this blurb I am not going to spend any more energy on this situation as I have already spent a week's worth of spoons on the last few days. How am I going to heal nor learn anything, if I continue to be  a rock to others who a. don't deserve it and b. I need to spend all my energy on myself, and am still learning that saying, "Nope, not my circus", and stop it right there??? For those who know me, saying "NO" is a very difficult thing for me to say, as I am always trying to help others fix things or find a solution for whatever is happening in their lives. This time, I have to say "NO".

I am also making the decision to remove certain people and things from my life because I wake up every morning and my spoons are spent even before my feet hit the ground. I am desperately not trying to sound selfish but I need to make me my number one in my life right now. As I have been preached to for a long time, what good am I to others when I am not "good" myself??? 

I have reduced the amount of people I talk to, and the amount of people who I will continue to drop everything for, if need be. It's a sad world when people like me, who have a strong loving heart, constantly get trampled on, or we are always the shoulder for everyone else... but only when it is convenient for them. 

Please don't get it twisted, I am not cutting off all these people for the same reason... some I absolutely adore, but know I have done all I can in the situation. I have given my shoulder, ear, support and even some legal advice; from there it is in their hands to do what is best for them.  Another reason I am not getting too much more involved is because I don't like getting caught in "domestics"... the main reason being, their life may be a shitshow now, but what happens if they work things out??? You know who becomes the bad person??? Me, or anyone who has tried to help one party or the other.

I think I have made my stance pretty clear here. If you know this is about you, know that I love you; but I need to love myself more right now. I am not mad at you. I am not disappointed in you. I am as frustrated as you are about the situation, and shame on those who are helping create more bullshit; instead of being friends and stepping back so things can be figured out, one way or another.

Please take care.

Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Be blessed. ML&R Lovies

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