This One's a Tough One

Page 40 of 366. Hi everyone. This entry is gonna be a bit difficult to write because I know it'll be controversial.  Anyhow, just grab a seat and hopefully most won't be "whiteknuckled" by the time I'm done...

I believe it was yesterday, that I was informed my kid, the "boy" she's with and my grandbaby are moving out of the city we live in. It's truly causing my conflict, of the worst kind.

For those of you, who know what's going on, (I'm not sharing the story today, as I'm trying to heal from it)... know how split I am on my feelings.

In one sense, I feel happy and at total peace because I no longer have to think about running into him nor her in town. I sure do miss my grandbaby though... I absolutely love my daughter, but I don't like her. I don't like the woman she's become. I can't stand her attitude (although we're both strong minded). I will say that I respect her work ethic. I admire that she's a fighter and strong willed... as for the rest, I'm not going to comment. I wish her well, but honestly, I can't have her around me...

So in one sense, I'm thrilled they're leaving but in another sense, I hate the pain of missing my child and grandbaby. 

I will be straight up, I've not always been the easiest mother. I raised my kids ol school. I will not blame all my behaviour on my mental health, even though it played a big role in my actions. I DO take accountability for myself... I just wish others would do the same.

Do you see my dilemma??? As I've stated before, society has people soooooo conditioned to accept that there are toxic parents; but why do we never talk about toxic children???

Please don't come at me with the bullshit that kids are a product of their environment because it's absolute horseshit!!! I didn't drink, do drugs nor even smoke cigarettes.

I was never disrespectful to my parents, nor any elder; even though I did have a shitty upbringing. To this day, I will not disrespect my parents, they taught me morals, the rights and wrongs in life. They provided a great education for me... I can't add much more to that since I never heard the words "I love you" ever come out of their mouths when I was growing up... that's one thing I told my kids at least once a day...

I'm just gonna end this here...

I love my kids with every fiber of my being, but I won't tolerate the disrespect, the flat out disturbing lies she (not my son, he even agrees she crossed the lie with her lies), says nor take the physical, mental, emotional nor financial abuse I endured from her and that useless thing she calls her "man"... he's a fkn tool, who needs a serious beat down. I will never apologize for punching him in the head... he deserved it. 

I'm glad it was me who did it because it proved to me, that I will never take abuse for anyone. I finally had the guts to take back me. I finally stood up for myself... no matter the cost.

That's all I got for this one. Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Be blessed. Have a great one Lovies.