Welcome to Chapter Two

 

Page 32 of 366. Good Morning Lovies. We are offically starting the second chapter of this year's book.

I don't really have a subject in mind to write about today, but I am sure once I start babbling something will hit me as a key thought.

I think I am starting this month a hell of a lot stronger than I began the new book; so the Phoenix is defintely on the rise. I cannot tell you how much I have missed this version of myself, as odd as that may sound; but if you know me, you know exactly what I am talking about.

I really used to be this FAFO (Fuck Around Find Out) kinda chick and somewhere over the past few years, I have become more of a door mat, trying to appease everyone and everything. I literally gave pretty much everything in me to help others, even the very ungrateful ones; to the point that I lost myself along the way and it almost ended in tragedy.

Let's just say that the FAFO chick is quickly emerging and although it will be crass and probably rude to a lot of people, this year is completely about ME in my books. I am no longer pulling any punches for people who "talk out of the side of their neck" (to quote Ryan Upchurch). I have been conditioned pretty much my whole life that being this way is selfish; but I am telling you this is NOT selfish, this is self care!!!

I am also commiting myself to not being hateful to those that have wronged me because it is just a wasted energy towards people who wouldn't care how I feel; nor will I give them the satisfaction of trying to destroy me. Hate is a negative emotion and I don't want negativity in my life, even if it is coming from within my very own soul. Instead of dwelling on things and people who are drowning me, I am cutting ties with those who are holding me down.

I have also gone back to things I thoroughly enjoy like writing and cooking. When I spent time at the crisis center, I got my passion back for cooking. As I have said a million times before, food is an international language; similar to how music is. Even as I stand in my very own kitchen, I am having such joy creating meals again... I never realized how much I missed it, until I started doing it again. 

As I have mentioned in another post, I have been cutting people out of my life that are just dragging me down. Sadly, that includes one of my children. It hurts like a butterfucker, but is it absolutely necessary for me to work on myself, and not be around toxicity. So that might be a hint to some of you. If I am fully willing to cut ties with my very own flesh and blood, what is stopping me from removing random people out of my life too???

I am perfectly okay with those who are my famILY, because I know they truly care for me and I feel the same towards them. Other than them, which includes my best friend... I really don't need more people in my life... besides, it would be selfish to expect more than what and who I am already and blessed with.

I am going to end my blurb here because I feel I am just kinda babbling and I have a couple topics I really want to talk about... in a few other blurbs. I hope you all Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Be loved.

Stay golden Lovies :)