Lil Orphan Annie ~ Ohhhhh the Trauma

 

Page 81 of 366. I apologize for my tardiness today, but it has been kind of a wonky day for me. I have been dealing with a lot of pain lately, and with pretty much no sleep last night, I have been a mental case all day. I spent part of the day researching criminal cases that would be a good read on my other blog; then I did some baking, and of course made dinner fresh... it was a simple one of homemade burgers, and we treated ourselves to a milkshake :)

There is a reason I am writing this tonight, it's because we were talking about our mothers, no I am not going to disclose who I was talking to; but we shared a similar childhood when it came to heartless, cold, unloving mothers, especially!!!

In the middle of our conversation, I had blurted out that on my birthday, every birthday from the time the movie came out, in 1982, so I would have been 6 years old.... my mother would make me and my friends who came to my birthday party, watch this particular movie. Now to most, this may seem like the standard back then, but to me... it is twisted, sadistic and a stake right to my heart.

Maybe it was unintentional. Maybe it was her way of pulling something so subtle, those around wouldn't be none the wiser... to me, it broke me. It breaks me more as an adult than it did when I was a child... You know why???

Annie was me, in a sense. She was alone, abandoned and then offered this great rich man/family to be with; including a dog. Mind you, in the movie, Annie is a few years older than I was. I came to my adopted family when I was 5 months old... Is anyone understanding or comprehending what this does to a child's psyche??? It was almost as if, she wanted me, on the date of my birth, no less... make sure I knew I was adopted and I should appreciate all the wealth and material things I had around me.

My friend said it is not funny, but it is kinda funny now. (She isn't saying that with ill-intent, because she knows what it is like and truly understands the feelings I feel when I talk about this...). I am not sure I feel that way. I don't think toying with anyone's emotions, especially a child's is a "funny" thing. It is sadistic and evil. It is malicious and soooo wrong in my eyes. 

But honestly, who would have really listened to me when I voiced my pain and anguish??? No one... You know why??? Because I should be grateful I was adopted. I should be grateful these people even took me into their home... The usual bullshit, us adoptees have to hear, over and over again. 

I am not trying to dwell on the past, but these are perfect examples of some small things that can trigger BIG emotions and reactions. To most, it is just a simple movie meant to be viewed as a family... to me it was simply a slap in the face. 

I am going to end this here. I am not bitter. I am not sad. I only hope that people are more aware of the world around them, or even pay more attention to what is happening in your very own home... behind closed doors. Something minor to you, could be life altering for another. That is it. That is all!!!

Stay safe. Stay warm/cool. Be well. Be loved. Blessed Be my Lovies.

~Phoenix