Page 66 of 366. I don't know how this blurb is going to go, so I am as surprised as you when I finally figure out a topic to talk about. I've been feeling pretty shit these past couple days. Honestly, I wanted to stay in bed and just sleep, but I did that yesterday and wasn't going to allow my health to stop things I want and need to do. So I forced myself to get up and I am working on cooking homemade meatball soup; other than that, I am pretty useless today.

Okay, so I am briefly going to reveal what happened to me on the 4th. I have ZERO recollection of that day at all... which usually means I had to of had at least 3 of 4 BIG ones. I feel so vulnerable when I say this... but I promised to be transparent about my life and health... so there is that. 

A few days prior, I had seizures I was fully aware of... this one is different...I have so much on my mind that it's too jumbled to focus on one topic. So please bare with me while I try to unravel what is going on.

I will share the positive things first... My blood levels are staying fairly even, so no treatment, as of yet :) My falls are because I have a nasty ear infection; which keeps me off balance... AND the reason me and my walls are getting very acquainted. 

Dr believes the nerve pain I am experiencing, which is pretty much crippling my left arm... is not just from carpal tunnel, but he believes it s tennis elbow... I gotta go get an ultrasound done on my arm to see what's up!!! 

My mental health seems to be doing okay, although some times I truly do fall down the rabbithole and just want life to be done... But, as you can see.... this chickie can't die and was able to pull myself out of it... but again, not before hurting someone that didn't deserve it. I hope one day that person reaches out and I can apologize for the strain I unknwingly (in the moment) put on those who din't deserve it.

My personal life has been somewhat of a rollercoaster. I have my beautiful tribe, but that doesn't come with its own trials and tribulations. One who we thought was going to remain at the "table", has lost their way and it truly sucks because I've grown to care a lot about this person, but their actions have consequences and onfortunately it has caused them to be removed from the tribe.

I hope you all have a good day because it feels like I am writing just for the sake of writing... May you all stay safe. Stay warm/cold. Be well. Be blessed!!!

Much love to my Lovies.

~Phoenix

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