Why Am I Always Wrong???

Page 62 of 366. Hi all. I hope that the weekend is treating you well. I have had a rather busy Saturday and it isn't even 6pm yet. I think I am just gonna jump into it, there is no other way to begin to describe everything I am feeling right now and I am about to burst with frustration, tears and anguish... why do I continue to do this to myself???

Okay, to begin, some of you know that I have a rather pretentious relationship with my parents (adopted); especially my mother. Anyways, it was her birthday the other day and I sent her a text wishing her a "Happy Birthday"... it was short, blunt and to the point... something more than I ever get. 

ANYWAYS... my father picked me up at 7:49am this morning to go out for breakfast with them, my brother, sister-in-law, their kids and grandkids, my sister, her hubby and their kids and partners... I think there were about 26 of us there!!! I, of course, picked the seat furthest in the corner with only walls behind me and beside me. Fortunately, my brother sat at the head of the table beside me, giving me a bit of a reprieve from sitting with people that are far too religious to me... I am getting ahead of myself... let me get back to when I arrived at my parents' place.

My dad and I walked into the house, he gave me a proper hug, as did my mother.. but immediately following the hug came the chastising. She gave me shit for sending her a "Happy Birthday" message. She felt it wasn't heartfelt enough and should have included more things; saying it was "COLD". How about the fact that she didn't even acknowledge that she got the message in the first place; and it is far more than I have gotten from them in decades...

I chose to bite my tongue because I truly was trying to have peace and kindness in at least one visit with them. Shortly thereafter, we went to the restaurant and I sat as far away as I could from them. I was very grateful that my brother and his kids and grandkids surrounded me. He, like me, is not religious in any way; so our conversations were much more delightful. He actually made me feel good about the decision to come inthe first place. Of course, things had to go a bit sideways....

My brother mentioned one of our cousins, and I asked him when he saw him; because we obviously don't run in the same circles... My brother said, "I seen him at our aunt's funeral. Where the fuck were you?" I looked my parents dead in their eyes and said to him, "OHHHHH, I wasn't there because I wasn't informed of her death until AFTER the funeral!" Wanna hear what his response was???

THAT SEEMS TO BE THE RUNNING THEME IN THIS FAMILY!!!

Immediately my parents said they didn't contact me because they didn't have the right phone number.... UMMMM, I literally pulled out my phone and showed that they had messaged me about 10 days before my aunt's death, right on this very phone... this very phone number. Sucks to be caught in a lie, eh???

We manged to get through the remainder of the meal, joking around. I have to say, being a grandparent looks fantastic on my brother. I have never seen him smile so much in our entire lives... this melted my heart, but also broke it because I desperately miss my grandbabies.

(Which brings me to another thing that really perturbed me. Dutch people have these things called "birthday calendars"... forgive me if it is familiar or used in other cultures as I only know about the Dutch traditions. Well, I was appalled to see that everyone in our family is on that calender, right down to their great grand kids... but you want to know who WAS missing??? Me, my children and my grandchildren... it's like we don't exist. I don't think people truly know how much I keep pain hidden inside of me, and I am tired of trying to explain why I just stay away from the entire situation).

After breakfast was done, I asked my parents to take me home straight from there as I wanted to get some grocery shopping done. My dad had no problem with it, but of course she wanted to stop at home, as she had the breadmaker on. No problem... we trek back to their house and my dad checks on it; no problem, we got an hour before it is done. So we begin the drive back to my place... a 20 minute drive.

While we are the highway, I ask my dad if he can stop at this store because I love how fresh the meat and produce is there. He had no problem with it, but my mother started bickering with him saying if she had known I wanted this, she would have stayed home and asked if I could walk home from the store. I was getting very aggravated with her attitude and finally cut off their bickering and told them I would just take a cab home from there... something my dad wasn't having anything of.

So the drive on the highway is in silence, until we get to the exit towards my place... my mother than begins to comment on the disgusting areas among the trees, which are quite obviously homeless encampments. I told her she should blame the government for all of it. She said something under her breath and I had enough of her snotty attitude. I told her, its the government's fault that we have so many homeless. Its the government's fault that they send all our money and resources to the Ukraine and other fkn countries and don't help our own...

After what I had recently went through, I brought up the complete lack of resources the government has for mental health and housing, etc. She then had the nerve to say, "YOu get more than enough serves from taxpayers!!!

EXCUSE ME???!!! I don't think I heard her right. My dad looked at me in the rearview mirror and you could tell he knew what was coming... I told her, just because she's a fkn millionaire and had a husband who broke his back making sure she had all the luxuries life had to offer; doesn't mean everyone else is as fortunate. I then KINDLY reminded her that I also went to school, got a much higher education AND I put far more money into the system with taxes than the average person; so anything I was getting from the government is money I already contributed myself. She shut her mouth after that... 

Dad and I went into the store, while she sat and sulked in the car. I purchased what was needed and he drove me to my front door. We said our goodbyes and I came home, dumped groceries off and went to see my sister, sharing my events of that morning. I now sit here waiting for my brother to call, so I can freak him out on his paranormal show...

All I can say is... it's be a day!!! Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Be blessed. Sending all my love and respect to my lovies.

~Phoenix