Happy Thor's Day Lovies

 

Page 116 of 366. Hello Lovies!!! I finally slept last night, which is a huge feat for me. I have had insomnia since my mid teens... when you are a street kid, you learn real quick how to sleep with one eye open... never truly getting any restful sleep. (It's a skill you never forget!)

I have been getting better over the years; but some days/some weeks, it hits me like a brick wall and I can be up for days!!! 

I am not sure what is driving the insomnia this time, although I have a good idea. My fibro has been acting up. I have been dealing with severe pain in recent weeks. The pain comes and goes, but when it's bad. it's BAD!!!

For those of you who have no problem sleeping, consider yourself blessed. A lot of people don't understand that sleep, a RESTFUL sleep, is vital for the mind, body and soul... when you lack sleep, it messes with you in all kinds of ways.

I have become more and more reclusive as the days go by... If it wasn't for me having to leave my apartment every day to get my medications, I probably wouldn't go anywhere. I am not like most people. I thoroughly enjoy my own own bubble. It's calm and quiet, other than the meditation music playing 24/7. I am really not a people person. I don't hate people, but the older I am getting, the less I want to deal with. Sooooo many people have drama that comes with them, and I don't need that at my front door.

I have my people. I have my famILY. I have my beloved... I don't need anything else. I have been rebuilding my life, and I am proud to say, I am not doing too bad. I still have tiny things that sneak up on me and I get emotional, but so far I have not been drowning, or triggered so bad that I want to self-harm.

For the first time, in a very long time... I am content. I feel loved and wanted. I feel at peace with the past (most of it). I can see the road in front of me, instead of feeling like I am being dragged backwards into the depths of despair. I know my children are thriving, my grandkids are happy... truly, what else do I need? By the end of this year, my home should be complete; filled with laughter and love again. It's not a matter of "if", it's a matter of "WHEN???"

Hope you all have a blessed day. Stay safe. stay warm/cool. Be well. Be blessed. Most of all, be loved my beautiful Lovies.

~Phoenix

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