Is a Name Just a Name???

 

Page 100 of 366. Hello my Lovies. Today's blurb was inspired by a conversation I had earlier today. The title is exactly what this entry is about. Remember when we were kids it was,

"STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES; BUT NAMES WILL NEVER HURT ME!!!"

I can tell you, with every fiber of my being, this is NOT true.

I am not talking about the names people call you when they are angry... to me, that is what those children's words meant. I'm just gonna say it...

I have a huge problem with people calling me "Crystal"...

I am not saying that it is a terrible name, it's my own personal history with the name itself. See, Crystal was my birth name... I associate it with abandonment. Being unwanted. In general, it simply is PAIN to me; unimaginable pain and heartache.

When I met the woman who gave birth to me, on my 19th birthday, she kept insisting my name was "Crystal" and that I was to call her "mom"... Pardon me??? To this day, she refers to me as that when talking to my brothers and my kids; and it doesn't sit well with me.

First, I am a woman and was one back then. Second, just because a woman spits you out doesn't automatically give them the privilege of having that title. Third, she birthed me, and then chose to abandon me and my 2 1/2 year old brother, so that she could go out partying (she was an alcoholic) without any responsibilities. Fourth, she hasn't been a mother figure to me since I was 5 months old, when she had left me at death's door. Lastly, even though I don't have a great relationship with my adopted mother; she WAS the one who raised me. She got the title of mom to me.

Thankfully my name was changed when I was adopted and I had used variations of my name for my whole life. Some know me as Cris, others know me as Crissy. Some call me Cristina/Christine. I even have gone by Cammy (don't ask!!!)

I guess what I am saying, is sometimes, names actually hurt... far more than even a gut punch!!! I truly wish it wasn't this way, especially since I am in the Craft, and crystals are a huge part of my life. I don't know, am I being too sensitive over a name??? I really don't know. 

All I really know is being called that, throws me into a blinding rage; and I don't think I will ever be able to get past that.

It's definitely the truth when they say, "the tongue is mightier than the sword"... Before I end this blurb, I do have to say, I understand why certain people use the name when referring to me. I am just grateful they never use it towards me when we speak. 

Am I the only one who has such a strong reaction to a particular name??? Is a name just a name??? Someone please tell me I'm not nuts for feeling this way.

~Phoenix