It's Lump Day... LOL

 

Page 108 of 366. Hello my Lovies. It is my favourite day of the week... Yes, I am weird and LOVE Wednesdays. Not just because people classify this day as "Hump" Day. It's the middle of the work week and now people only need to focus on the weekend approaching.

It's more like LUMP day for me these days... Yes, as I have said, I have been spending a lot of time in my bed, pretty much all of last week and this week. I don't know what is to come, but I think I am prepared for it.

I have always been upfront about my health and my struggles; this is no different. I know my depression is hitting me sooooo hard, but I continue to fight the good fight with the right people behind me.

After my overdose in January, I have been seeing things more clearer. I am eternally thankful they had a place like the crisis center I went to. Being there kept me accountable for my actions, and be responsible for my own self care. I, probably for the first time EVER, knew I was in a position that I couldn't do this by myself. 

For someone like me, asking for help is probably the hardest thing I have ever done...

I gained a few new friends/acquaintances, lost a few people who were more of a hindrance. (I use the word "lost" but in reality, they were just individuals that I knew from our ships passing through the night (so to speak). Lessons, I might say!!! I have my beloved. I have my best friend. I have my brothers and my sisters. What kinda blew my mind, was the people who did step up. They barely knew me, but they instantly understood my situation, and without judgment stretched out their hands and have become very important people in my life, very much a HUGE part in me still being here.

Please don't get it twisted, I am not feeling hopeless. I am not feeling suicidal. I am just depressed. I continue to stick to my safety plan, IYKYK!!! I have two beautiful furbabies that keep me company on the daily. I know I have several people I can call on a dime and they would either stay on the phone with me, or sit with me in the darkness.

I don't know why I am so down these days. I know that the middle to end of January is a terrible time for me. I know May 9th (Teddybear's birthday) is ALWAYS hard on me... usually because it falls so close to Mother's Day... which is one more holiday I won't be celebrating anymore. Sorry, this all brings tears to my eyes and I can't dwell on it too much, or I will be in a full blown episode. So let me just ask everyone to hug your loved ones a little tighter.

Stay safe. Stay warm/cool. Be well. Be blessed. But most of all... BE LOVED!!!

~Phoenix

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