Sense of New Beginnings...

 

Page 114 of 366. Good Morning all you beautiful souls!!! I hope you all had a restful night and are able to get the things you need done, done today :)

I am not sure how to describe what exactly has been happening lately, but it FINALLY feels like life is really aligning and correcting what should have been the right path for decades. I feel like karma is FINALLY reaping my rewards.

I wake up with a sense of love, and I am able to drift off to sleep feeling loved. It's almost a foreign concept for me; not that I haven't been loved before... I am loved in a way, I never thought possible... let's put it that way.

I think a huge part of this change is that I have been letting go (well, working on some of it still), of past traumas by mostly removing the people the traumas are associated with, out of my life. I will admit, letting some of the people "fall out" of my life has been both painful; but relieving at the same time.

I am following the wise advice my brother gave my around the end of last year; that we both have incorporated in our lives. It's as simple as ... "you are either eating at the table with me, or you're cleaning up after me!!!" Basically, my table has a lot less place settings, and I have deemed a lot of people I knew, as no longer worthy of sitting there. 

This is not being a conceited thing, this is just me taking back the love and friendship I have given people. Something they have repeatedly proven to NOT match it.... essentially showing they don't deserve me, nor my attention!!!

As I don't divulge too much on here, especially names.... I continue to honour that, but it seems over the past year, especially the last few months, I have gained famILY that I really never thought I would ever have. I have people in my life that SHOW me what having a family is really like. I mean, I am not jealous; but seeing how they can love and argue but still no matter what, through thick and thin, they would come to defend and protect each other, at any costs. 

I know, I have that with my brothers and sisters, like I was saying that the other day... Someone was talking about loyalty, respect and honour among males and females. Someone had posted a meme that males and females cannot be true friends, that women tend to "give up" and at the end of the day, don't know what loyalty is. I DID have to put my two cents into that one because for me, that is not the case. Maybe its because I grew up mostly around guys, or maybe it is just how I was "built"....

I have two brothers, my best friend, one more male friend (who I am not going to reveal, so don't ask), and above all... my beloved that I would 100% catch a bullet for. They are the men in my life that if I get a call, or message, there are NO questions asked, and I will stand right next to them in whatever battle they are facing... 

When it comes to blood relatives, I am like that with my mum and my kids... no matter the situation. I could be on non-speaking terms with one of them, or both of them, but if they were to message me, or call me, saying they need help or in trouble... I will drop everything, no questions asked and deal with the situation. 

When I re-read that paragraph, it dawned on me that I am talking about how I would be there for them... I know one of my kids has proven that they would not do the same for me, so as toxic as our relationship is, I CAN still say with my whole heart that in the moment of need, I wouldn't care... maybe that is what my brothers mean when they say I care too much???!!!

I kinda drifted from what my thought was, when I started this blurb...

I am finding that sense of "family" a lot more lately. I feel extremely honoured to be part of something very beautiful. I am not going to say who I am talking about, but other than my mum, this woman has shown me what it's like to have a loving mother figure... an unconditional love that feels so heart warming; something I never had my entire life. Do you have any idea what it is like to have that??? 

Someone I can talk to about pretty much everything and not have to worry about being chastised for having certain feelings... someone who accepts me wholly, but also someone who isn't afraid to tell me I am wrong, or I approached something wrong, or I could have done something differently. She doesn't hold judgment and she knows exactly where I am coming from with my love and how much I truly do care. 

Of course we get to talk about things that we probably can't talk to most people about, so I hold this friendship/relationship in high regard. I cherish her and all the love she emits in every word she speaks.

I am going to end this blurb here... It may be dreary and possibly rainy outside today, but inside here things look a lot brighter than they have in a very long time. What was it The Crow's Eric Draven said... oh yeah, IT CAN'T RAIN ALL THE TIME!!!

Stay safe. stay cool. Be well. Be blessed. But most of all my Lovies... BE LOVED!!!

~Phoenix