Strictly My Opinion...

 

Hi again. I know this entry is probably going to create some emotions for people... they will feel one way, or another. That is 100% their perogative. I am simply writing this from my own personal experience and these are only MY views and opinions.

For those of you who know me, you know that I became a widow at a very young age. Teddybear was only 34 years old when he passed on, I was barely 34 (my birthday was 2 months prior)... We are in the 15th year of him no longer roaming this earthly plane, and although I feel his presence often. I know within me that he is at peace and no longer in pain. I cannot tell you anything more than he was larger than life... He was someone who spoke and the room would shut up to listen. He had this sinister laugh with a wicked sense of humour

Now you're probably wondering WHY I am writing this today.

I was on a social media platform earlier, where someone put up an amusing question... something to the effects that if we die naked do we enter the other side the same way. Of course some took offense to the joke and voiced what they felt. Now, I don't know how well my readers know me, but I am a very blunt and sarcastic person. So when there came a joke up, I said, "that would be called a dead fk!!!" 

Now.... don't get it twisted, I also made it very clear that I, too am a widow, etc. It was not meant to be offensive, but quite honestly if we cannot laugh about some of the hardest times in our lives; especially knowing that those painful moments created a bigger and stronger soul within you, who can???

I am just gonna lay it out there...

I know one million percent that Teddybear would NOT want me wallowing in self-pity. He could not even stand the word "sympathy", so I cannot be a hypocrite and sound like I need the sympathy. What I am saying is this... Yes, we all in our lives suffer huge losses. This is not a competition on who has suffered more, or who has lost more; and I really wish people would stop trying to compare that, or anything in our lives.

I take two days a year, where I reflect on him ~ his birth date and his death date. That doesn't mean I don't think of him, or I didn't love him any less. All I know is that his death is what taught me how to live!!! There will always be a part in my soul that will hold him dearly forever; but that doesn't mean I should deprive myself of having love and sharing a life with someone else. 

I have been in a few relationships since he has passed, growing and learning from each one. I used to see him in everyone... or try to find a part of the person that would remind me of him. I stopped doing that. Sure, its probably part of the grieving process; but I KNOW he sees where I am at, now in life... I KNOW he sees how my life has blossomed; even through the windy, twisted, bumpy, half missing pavement road. I feel within my heart of hearts that he is quite content with my decisions; and where my heart is at.

I am not telling people to forget about the people they lost; nor am I telling them that they need to "move on". Everyone moves at their own pace and even if they choose to never commit to someone again like the way they did to their partner who passed... that is okay too. I just want to reiterate that NO ONE has the right to tell you when it is the right time to "get over it"... I think the ones saying that should be grateful they don't know what the pain is truly like. I guess it is what we have always been taught...

IGNORANCE IS BLISS!!! So let them continue to be blissfully ignorant and leave them in the dust where they belong. Your people. Your tribe. Your famILY will stand by you through it all. No one else's opinion of your situation matters. At the end of it... I just want people to know, it is perfectly OKAY to laugh again after such a tragic loss. It is OKAY to have hope or look toward a future again. It is OKAY to even stay grieving for as long as you need.  

IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY!!!

This comes from the bottom of my heart. Our hearts still beat. Our lungs still take air... we mustn't waste our precious time on what others find offensive or what suits your life, doesn't suit their narrative... FUCK THEIR NARRATIVE!!! We are all individuals with our own brains (Although I think a lot are seriously lacking something in that department...) Just you do you... allow yourself to take the journey at your pace, okay?!!

Blessed Be.

~Phoenix