I've Got a Secret...

Good evening everyone. I hope that you all survived this manic Monday and are finally home with your feet up, or doing something you enjoy. I have taken my medications early tonight as I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. 

See, the past few days I have been tripling my insulin (each injection), because my sugars have me literally in ketoacidosis. I know what this means, and fully acknowledge how dangerous this is for me but I have been bouncing in and out of ketoacidosis for the past number of years... 

Does it scare me??? Hell yes it does; but I am not going to tell you that. I don't want people panicking. I don't want people stressing over me or the "what ifs"...

The reason I am writing this right now is because, once again, my body is proving that it is not diabetes. I stopped taking the insulin yesterday afternoon, not even taking my ozempic tonight. You want to know the funny thing??? My sugars are the most level they've been in weeks... funny, it is only like that when I do NOT take the insulin.

What gives???

I know my body has always been finnicky when it comes to medications because my liver is fkd, my kidneys are fkd... gastro system is screwed, from top to bottom, among a bout a dozen other ailments that I don't care to talk about tonight. I really don't know what the specialists are going to do, or if they are simply going to throw me into another round of new medications, and I get to be a guinea pig for the next few years again.

The other thing that has been building for a while, and you wouldn't know about it, had you not seen me up and about... (this is the secret)... I have been sliding backwards when it comes to my mobility. My one leg is pretty much forgetting how to do things. It's hard to explain, but it is like my brain is telling my leg and foot to step up on the stairs, but my leg is physically not able to do it without my lifting my leg with my hands. It's just a crappy situation and I am soooo embarassed by it, even though, mentally I know it is not my fault. 

It's the harsh looks you get from complete strangers who have NO clue what is going on with you or your situation. I have enough problems and medical issues. I don't need other people's bullshit or opinions of what is happening. Unless you have MD behind your name, or in front of it.... keep your mouth shut. I don't need to be degraded by some insignificant being who has no knowledge or sage advice to give. I have plenty of people in my corner who actually see what is going on, and are there without judgment; for that, I am eternally grateful.

Thank you my love for sticking through the tough stuff, as I am sure there is more to come. Thank you for my brothers, who are loving, caring and here at a moment's notice; even if it is to crack some crazy ass joke, just so I laugh. I thank my sisters for being here, listening to my woes and just letting me rant when necessary. Thank you for all of you who take time out of your day to check on me... it is deeply appreciated.

I am sorry, I gotta try to get some rest... Not looking forward to the appt and results tomorroe.

Stay safe and Blessed. Much love and respect.

~Phoenix