Just Another Manic Monday

 

Page 127 of 366. Good Day Lovies. I apologize for my absence... I have been off the wall with my sugars and depression kicked in hardcore... I haven't left my bedroom, other than to do necessary things. It just hasn't been the best of times.

I am not going to complain though because I have great people in my life who have been propping my up. Like, kinda giving me a push to get outside of my head, and out of my own apartment. 

I did some grocery shopping this weekend and I am slowly getting my house in order... not that it's a huge disaster. I need to mop, vacuum and dust. (and of course the never ending heap of laundry LOL). The kitchen is clean, but not organized like my OCD ass likes!!! LOL

Am I the only one who likes to have their cupboards perfectly organized??? Like cans all facing forward, soups with soups, sauces with sauces, spices according to names???? Shrug... maybe I am just weird LOL.

I hate when I fall into depression because the first things that get neglected are the things I love doing the most. My writing goes out the window... cooking becomes a "Chore"... reading becomes irritable and I couldn't care less what was playing on the boobtube.

I am not going to overwhelm myself today, by promising that I will be diving into my crime blog today too. If it happens, it happens. As of right now, I already feel overwhelmed and wanna crawl back into bed; but I think that will be a mistake.

I do want to give a huge shoutout to my sister, who is lending me an air conditioner because the weather is already insufferable. I can't stand heat or humidity at all. I wanna thank a friend who pushed me to get out of the house, even if it was only for a drive. I want to thank the couple who continue to be my support throughout everything since my overdose. 

I don't think they realize that just by being there, or me seeing a familiar face who knows what I went through, and hold no judgment... I don't think they see how rare that is. I, of course, have my brothers and sisters who have been giving their unwavering support. My best friend will always be the person they are... and I wouldn't have them any other way. 

Then there is my beloved... What can I say about him that wouldn't take a million words and still not be able to describe him fully. He has given me a different view on how a real mother is; and having her a part of my life too, has been emotional and comforting. I guess what I am trying to say is this...

No matter how shitty my days have been and can get, I am fully aware of the beauty in nature and life still. I openly can admit, I am just depressed. I am not feeling hopeless (although my health sure feels like it), and I am definitely NOT suicidal. I know that the next week will have a few hurdles I have to face, and hope I don't break down; but those who love me are aware of what's coming and I am confident I will get through this will them all by my side.

So as for now, life may have its struggles, but I see way more beauty than pain!!! Thank you! Stay safe. Stay cool. Be well. Be blessed. Most of all, Be LOVED my Lovies.

~Phoenix