Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

 

Ever heard that saying before??? "Let sleeping dogs lie!!!" It's one that has been playing in my mind all day, after I received an unexpected message late last night. Initially, I wasn't going to respond, but the empath in me knew I had to respond, express what I was feeling and listen to what was going on.

I received news that someone had passed away. Someone who in my youth I liked and respected; someone who was always kind to me. Someone who ended up being family by extension, in a sense I am not going to explain right now, as it's too fresh a wound to rip open.

I gotta admit, this one stung. Not just for me, but for the person who messaged me, as it was their father. I'd like to think that had I not been in the hospital, I would have went to the funeral, out of respect for this person and the entire family; but I also feel that would have opened wounds that never need to be reopened. There is wayyyyyy too much baggage to unpack there to just show up and offer my condolences and vanish again. 

I am not a heartless person, in the slightest. I am actually quite the opposite; which is why I have chosen to take the route I am taking. Sleeping dogs need to remain sleeping where they are... the past is the past for a reason. Sure, I can be a shoulder, if there is need for anyone in the family to contact me; but that is as far as it can and will go. 

For seven years, they played a prominent part in my life... more so than any of us realized, and I will always hold a special place within me for each and everyone of them. I just don't know how to process my own personal feelings about this particular loss. I really don't know why it is hitting me so hard... I mean, I have an idea, but it's been 28 years since we've really had contact. I guess all I can do is light a candle here and send off my own blessings and offering as his soul continues onto wherever he is to go next.

C'est la vie, no???

~Phoenix