Who Would Have Thunk???
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I have really been reflecting a lot on the past year. I had done a lot of personal growing this past year. I spent time truly searching my soul. I travelled to places I wanted to see, meeting various people along the way. I had to escape myself to rediscover myself... if that makes ANY sense?!!
I needed time to figure out who I was, outside of the people I was with, or recently involved with. I had a relationship that ended after three plus years, and I knew that I needed time to be alone. Not just to heal, but to also discover the girl I used to be, and the woman I had become and who I wanted to be. I took to the road, like the gypsy I am. I am well-known for it, at least by those who know me the best.
I have vanished at a moment's notice and just hit the road, with no real destination in mind; (no I don't do this when I am in a relationship, it's when I am single and bored... I have this insane lust for the unknown. I love to wander onto lands I have not yet discovered. I yearn... no I crave for knowledge and new adventures. Maybe it is the Sagittarius in me, or maybe it's the blood that courses through my veins; either way... I am not ashamed of it!!!)
It is truly strange how the world works though... when I had literally walked away from everything I owned and just left; I had chosen to be alone and just be good with being single for the rest of my life. I didn't think I had the energy left in me to love another again. I just didn't have it in me to be damaged any more than I already have been and I definitely didn't think I had an ounce of love in me to give another, ever again.... Welllllll, as you can see, the universe throw quite the plot twist in when she wants to... she's funny like that!!!
I had been taking care of someone that meant a lot to me; but I was overwhelmed with the knowledge that they didn't have long to live but also it felt like the world was on my shoulders and I was to take the brunt of it when this person passed on; as they had said I was the strongest person, and would have to be the shoulder and backbone for everyone else in their family. Sure, I felt I could do it because that is ALWAYS what has been expected of me. I may be the blacksheep of my family; but I am the FIRST one that is called when shyt needs to be done or taken care of.... life's funny that way.
After a while, I was so overwhelmed with everything. I felt like my life was consumed with taking care of everyone else; but me. I was busy 24/7... no joke!!! Had it not been like that, events may not have unfolded the way they did. Since I was on "homecare duty" 24/7, I would be online to keep myself awake. which led to a very odd "adventure?" (for lack of a better word)....
As you all know, I have been through it when it comes to religion and belief systems, etc. At the end of the day I have dedicated my life to the craft, and yes, I will openly say I am a witch (most of which is hereditary BTW). Anyways, that being said, I have famILY members that are various forms of pagans/heathens (again, layman's terms)... we have a couple baby witches, Darkling and Unholy One in the family. Soooooo, on this particular night, I was in a group that my brother, Unholy One was in.
Did I have any business being in there? Probably not, but I had to see what people were saying and truthfully, just see how stupid people were and misguided. I had made a comment in this group, which was a sarcastic one... I was in total agreement with this one member, and said, "You're preaching to the choir!!!" Apparently that is offensive to this particular group, well at least the asshole who I said it to. He went on a rampage on me... Have I mentioned that sarcasm is my first language???...
I apologized for something he clearly took the wrong way, but he was ignorant and incessant with me, to the point that this complete stranger jumped in on my behalf and stood up to this POS, telling him basically that was enough, I had apologized and such and such... Shortly thereafter, I received a PM, with an apology for overstepping, and stuff. I was kind of speechless because for one, this was a complete stranger who stood up for me and two, I couldn't understand how it was overstepping when he was defending me and my name. Three, this was probably the sweetest thing to happen to me in a very long time. I appreciated and respected this person for being a standup kinda guy.
We began chatting with each other, sharing things; which felt completely natural. Neither one of us was looking for anything, as both were healing from very different things. It soon became clear that we couldn't go a day without interacting at least once and it has grown from there. I think we both, at one time or another, tried to distance ourself from the other, not sure of what was going on, and dealing with our own demons; but fate has different things in mind for us.
Today, I am not saying things are 100% peaches (all the time), but we are quite content and happy together. Man, him and I can laugh at the craziest shyt... the inappropriate too LOL. We don't shy away from disagreeing; but for once, it's an actual mature relationship, where it doesn't need to be a fight, nor an argument. We both firmly believe in keeping our personal stuff off social media and our biggest thing is always DEFEND IN PUBLIC. CORRECT IN PRIVATE!!!
You always respect your partner, don't get disrespectful out of anger. Take a breather and talk stuff out. I know, I have a huge thing about arguments. I don't like people leaving when they're in the middle of a fight because what if, WHAT IF, they walk out that door and one of you dies??? Then what???? This is something that weighs heavily on me... almost to the point that it is a phobia.
I guess after saying all that, I gotta say... who would have thunk things so magickal could have started in such a dark place.... although, it technically was in a group of the bringer of light.... so I guess it is in the eye of the beholder and left to your own interpretation!!!
Stay blessed.
~Phoenix
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