Page 202 of 366

Good Evening Lovies. I hope the day has treated you well. I know we are hitting the mid-evening hours, and I am just finally trying to settle my nerves and relax enough to attempt to write a decent blog entry. 

Trust, when I say I am TRYING my hardest to stay on a more peaceful path... Lemme tell you; this is NO easy feat for me. 

I gotta admit, I am actually quite proud of myself and how I dealt with everything that happened the past few days... 

So without any further adieu, let's begin, shall we???

You will have to bear with me, as I have lost a few days, and I could very well be getting dates and moments mixed up; I am embarrassed to admit this, because I do NOT consider myself a dumb person by ANY means.

One thing weighing on my heart is the amount of deaths that are happening right now. I am hearing of at least one or two deaths daily; some I am related to, or connected to, while others were celebrities, (people I've watched since I was a child, so they kinda felt like a part of the family in one way or another).

I am proud of myself that I managed to accomplish a few things that I hadn't had the strength to do for a while. Things that would be so trivial to others, but have become mountains for me to overcome. It's strange how completing such minimal things can feel sooooo rewarding...

I called to disconnect my cable, because honestly I have had it for a year, and I have not watched TV (cable) since the day I got it. I have apps like Prime, Paramount+, Crave, Starz, Netflix to keep me busy; and if there is a specific channel I require, I will order the app; but for now I am good. Thankfully, I spoke to a great representative in the company, and she refunded me the month that was just billed (Yayyyyyy BONUS).

I then called hydro because I have beef with them constantly. To make a long story, excessively short.... this is my 12th year living in this same building. I am currently living completely alone, yet my bill has jacked up to 4 times the amount it was when there were four of us living here, and 3 air conditioners running. I only have one a/c going... and anyone who knows me, I keep my lights off... there's a reason my doctors call me a vampyre!!! Someone please make this make sense!!!

Then things started to slide from there...

I had someone make a commitment to me; only to fluff it off, without so much as a word. I was left on read and that's not the worst part. I was left in a very vulnerable position. Again, I won't get into details, but I am a stickler for having my door locked, my PTSD is very bad for that. I keep all doors closed in my apartment at all times. So, I was left with an unlocked door until 1 in the morning, expecting what was planned; all I heard were crickets. 

To me, without explaining the entire thing.... this is a huge display of disrespect and I don't do well with it. I don't tolerate it... not towards me... and I am a hundred times worse when it is towards people I love and care about.

To continue the horseshyt...

I had gotten some evil eye earrings from Amazon a couple weeks ago (now you need to understand, I don't splurge on myself by any means, and they were silver and not that expensive). Not even had them for 3 weeks and the eye fell out of them, This broke me. To many, that may seem minor, but it was the last straw (or so I thought)... I had just said "fuck it" and I was going to bed; but not even an hour later, I hear a beeping noise and my airconditioner's red light is flashing.

NOW WHAT???????

Thankfully, I had a friend who came over, even though it was super late; drained the water out of the airconditioner and now we're back to "happy happy. joy joy" mentality, right??? Let's fkn hope so!!!

~Phoenix

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