What Day is it Again???

Page 208 of 366. Good Evening all you beautiful souls. How has your week been this far??? I can't believe it is Friday tomorrow already. As you can guess from the title of this entry, I have lost a block of time again. 

Have I mentioned how annoying that is??? 

If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I have dementia or am in the early stages of Alzheimer. I can explain examples...

I can read off my health care number, which is 9 digits long, plus 2 letters at any given moment. I can give you my childhood phone number. I can tell you most birthdays of all my family members, biological, adopted and my friends' bdays; anniversaries too. 

I can remember things distinctly from decades ago. What I cannot do is remember someone I met just five minutes ago. I can be mid sentence with someone, my brain pauses and I feel like an idiot because I will have to ask them what we were talking about to see if it can jog my memory enough for me to finish what I had to tell them. I have many, many times, began to tell someone something and then stop the story, and say, "I am not sure if I told you this..." They will sometimes say I told them that an hour ago, or yesterday or the prior week, etc. 

This is such an embarrassing thing for me because I am a well educated woman, and when this happens, I feel like a bumbling idiot. The other frustrating thing is, trying to speak at all sometimes. I fumble to find, or even get the word out of my mouth that I need to say. How about when I stutter to say a word??? I mean, I laugh at how stupid I sound, but that is only because if I cannot laugh at it, I will just end up crying. 

Once a smart, beautiful,healthy, sassy woman who has been reduced to a body that is disappearing, and a brain that is failing... Honestly, universe, what have I done to deserve such cruelty???

Yes, I will continue to always be grateful for my tribe, my support system... people who genuinely love me. I try not to lay too much on their shoulders, so a lot of them would have no clue how "small" I feel these days (I don't mean in stature... we already know I am a shorty... so shut your piehole smartass).

This has been a much more difficult week than usual. I apologize for babbling about things that may not make sense for most of you; I hope one day I will be able to explain with clarity. For now I just want to be thankful for those in my life, especially mi amor, my brothers, my sisters, my best friend, and my mum.

Until the next blurb... Stay safe. Stay cool. Be well. Be loved. Blessed Be all you beautiful Lovies.

~Phoenix