Today, We Celebrate

 

Day 235 of 366. Hello Lovies. I know it has been a minute since I have written. I am writing today with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart that no one is going to take from me. I have peace within me and hope... HOPE!!! Something I have not felt in a very long time.

You know I have written a bit about my life and some of my health issues that have made things very difficult and heart wrenching at times. 

I am not going to explain everything to everyone because, frankly, not everything in my life is for the public to know. 

I am going to reveal I have been quite far down the rabbit hole when it comes to depression because of certain circumstances; and it's only the people in my life who truly care and love me that have kept me afloat these past several months. 

There has been lots of tears, but there has also been lots of laughter. Trust me, when I tell you that laughter is the best medicine. I also feel that if I cannot laugh at the absudity that has been happening, I would have drowned in the amount of tears I would have shed instead.

Anyways, today is a good day!!! No, it is a GREAT day!!!

I have some of the biggest cheerleaders in my life. I was facing some really hard roadblocks that were so bizarre; to the average person, they made no sense. I had famILY that told me "You got this" "We got you"... etc. "We are warriors.." All words that sometimes were hard to hear, but deep down kept me going. Words I don't think most understand how profound they truly are!!! 

My best friend, when I told him that I was still trying but there are roadblocks at every turn, but that he knows me... I am stubborn as hell." His response was... (as expected, trust, when I say, those who love me, don't mince words and do not baby me. We don't baby each other). He said, "Jump em!!!" Of course I had a smartass comment in return, saying, "Daily. This ain't over unti the fat lady sings... and I am not even humming yet!!!" We both laughed at that... see what I mean about laughter being good for your soul???

After a difficult and intense medical appointment last week, which frustrated me; angered me, but didn't make me lose hope... it just made me sad. I got a call today, that rectified the situation, and I have more hope than I did even a week ago. Those who have been in my life for decades, know most of my medical issues have been going on for decades... for the first time in a good 20 years, all the specialists that are required at this point, for this specific issue are all on the same page. 

I know this is going to sound odd to some, but to me... this is a BEAUTIFUL thing!!! I have been crying tears of joy. I understand that things are scary still and there will be intense and frightening moments ahead, that will rattle my nerves and throw my anxiety through the roof; but I have perservered this long... I am NOT giving up now!!! I am more determined than ever to not just win this battle... Hell I am going to win the whole fkn war!!!!

Mark my words...

~Phoenix

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