A New Perspective

 

Page 318 of 366. Good Evening Lovies. I am a lil slow today with writing. I am feeling a bit under the weather today; actually A LOT under the weather, which isn't the norm for me. I am usually okay, or hospital sick... not really in the middle. I am sure mental health is playing a role in it; but I have been trying to not hide away in my apartment 24/7, and be as social as I can, without pushing myself over the edge with my anxiety. 

I don't really leave the building... it's something I am finding an impossibility for me lately, unless I go with someone else... I know it sounds odd, but the older I am getting, the worse my social anxiety is getting... I simply cannot tolerate people... weird, right?!! Considering that people see me as a social butterfly ont he outside, when I really am not. 

I like my space. I prefer to curl up and be in my own bubble. It's always too peoplely around and there's wayyyyyyy too much drama in other's lives for me to really care to hear it, or be caught up in it. I have my circle of friends that I am close enough that I call famILY, I have a few acquaintances that I keep in touch with; other than that, I kinda like being in this "anonymous" state!!!

My life isn't for everyone. My health is in the shits. My moods are pretty down lately, and even when they are up; I prefer to only share those moments with a select few. I am trying to cope with what's going on physically so that I CAN have a future.... which brings me to WHY I was writing this blurb in the first place...

I have learned in life that sharing your private life on social media is a big mistake, because a lot of people you know are not truly your friends and will not be cheering you on from the sidelines; in fact, they're hoping you'll fall flat on your face. So rest assure, I won't be divulging too much here neither...

I am beginning to see life from a totally different perspective. For those who grew up with me... you know what I am talking about. I grew up in a very guarded community, with some very narrow minded thinking; lucky for me, I have always kept an open minded and have always been able to love for the soul... you can tell a person by their eyes... 

THERE'S A REASON WHY THEY ARE CALLED THE WINDOWS TO THE SOUL!!!!

I have to say, over these past couple years, I have been learning, in leaps and bounds, things I never knew about. Maybe, I was taught about them, but due to my upbringing and surroundings it was very "white-washed" to fit the narrative. (Pun isn't intended). I have a beautiful soul in my life, well two of them, that have dropped into my life in the past couple years... they have opened my eyes to some very disturbing moments in history; even some current events that break my heart, the more I learn about them. 

I thank them and love them dearly for opening my eyes more; even if it overflows those eyes with tears and my heart with unbearable pain... I am one who needs to know... I am one to also preach, how are we, as a world, going to learn from the past, if we don't acknowledge what has done??? Erasing and eradicating statues... changing names and places, is going to make people eventually forget. Leave everything there... force everyone to see it every day... let it be there right in their face so that history does NOT repeat itself!!!

Seeing the world through a new perspective is like seeing the world through a newborn's eyes. It is both shocking and unfamiliar. I am very grateful I am not taking this journey alone; and for that I am very blessed. 831.

~Phoenix

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