YES! I Am THAT Kinda Chick

As you can see from the title, I am in one of those moods, so even I am going to be surprised by what will be presented from my fingertips at this point.

I will not get into the nitty gritty of stuff, but I am sure most of you have guessed, life hasn't always been peaches & cream for me (like so many others in the world), and we all have either wallowed in it, or rose above it... 

...that doesn't mean that we don't have moments where we are suddenly reminded of them; or that something doesn't trigger us and pull us right back into that very moment in time that nearly decimated us.

PTSD/CPTSD is no joke. Depression is no joke. Those of us who cope with it, we are not just victims. We eventually become survivors... and kudos to all of those who make it to this stage, because to finally acknowledge what has happened and begin to process it, is probably the hardest mission to accomplish in the world. If no one has told you... I AM FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!!!

Once we get past the survival stage, we become warriors. Just because we become warriors does NOT mean we won't falter. It doesn't mean we won't break down in tears or have our moments of weakness... it simply means, we are NOT going to allow those moments to defeat us. It's in this stage that we acknowledge that life will continue to hit us BUT we now know she hits like a "bitch" and we hit back harder!!! They don't have the saying, "If you're going to do it, make sure you get me the first time because if you don't ... you're done!!!" That's the mentality we warriors have been programmed to live with by the universe... This brings me to the title of this blurb...

Unfortunately, or fortunately... depends on your perspective on it... Going through the process of victim to survivor to warrior, we (both men, women and children), learn that we only have ourselves to rely on. This is NOT saying that we don't have friends, loved ones or, if you're lucky enough, family are not around us... it means that we have learned through various circumstances that the words, "NEVER MIND" are our "go to", when we need help with something; or if something is bothering us. 

We feel like we are a burden when we try to explain what's going on in our minds, frustrated because most cannot express it in words; while others fear the consequences of what they feel... that their emotions or feelings are invalid. It's just easier to say, "never mind" and do it ourselves... I know I do it alot because I feel dumb trying to explain what I feel and a lot of the times I know people don't honestly care how what they did or say affected me. (I am not a saint this way neither... I fail at being great with my words too; but I do NOT scoff off someone who is expressing their pain... yet it happens to me ALLLLL the time... and I am kind of over it. So welcome back to my "NEVER MIND" phase!!!

~Phoenix

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