Meh!!! Mirror Day

 

Page 344 of 366. There are literally 22 days left of 2024; although I am looking forward to the end of this year and bringing in a fresh "book",if you will... I really want to reflect on how much this year has taught me, imprinted and etched on my soul.

January started out quietly, but by mid-January something (some memories) triggered my inner demons and I overdosed. Thankfully, my body is as screwed up as it is... because clearly it didn't absorbed the meds and it flushed out of my system naturally.

That overdose, changed the course of my life... in the sense that I was introduced to a new source of support when in crisis; something that was apparently in the city I live in, since 1975, but didn't find out until January. I accepted the help without a second thought... I was in crisis. I needed the emergency guidance, but knew I didn't want (nor need) to be put somewhere behind locked doors. I spent 5 days there, and it gave me a new sense of hope... 

Anyone who knows about mental health, knows there is no cure and you definitely don't get cured that quickly... it's a daily battle!!!

I really think that is pretty much the only significant event that happened this year to me. I have learned to take better control of my emotions (although I will NEVER say I am completely in control of them, because I sometimes can be a wicked firebomb still).

I released some people from my life, while others kinda of just disappeared; which is perfectly fine with me... Let's be real, we never lose true friends... it's only the fakes that fail to remain. I have watched a man, I love morph into the being they always were within... and it is an amazing journey to see!!! It's awe inspiring, to be honest.

I like many others in my life, had loved ones pass on... whether it be parents, siblings, children, family members, loved ones, friends, acquaintances... unfortunately death is NOT something we can escape. I look at it, like this... for ever end, there is a new beginning. 

(I was robbed of saying my final goodbyes to some I truly loved and hugely influenced my life; but gratefully, my beliefs show me ways how to honour the deceased).

I returned to loving myself. My self-esteem is back, even though I stumble every once and a while. My free-spirit is better than ever. I am coming to the realization that I shouldn't fear any obstacle nor person in front of me, because I KNOW who stands behind me... It's an insanely, incredible feeling, to say the least.

I will end this blurb with, I know the year hasn't been completely filled with peaches n cream; but it has been good enough to say, I AM looking forward to the future. I am ending this year knowing I am loved, as much as I love. I may be alone, but I am NOT lonely. IYKYK!!!

Just remember, the shittiest of times, may end up being the biggest lessons in your life. One day, that lowest of lows could have been the universe swerving you from something much more dire. Trust yourself. Trust the universe. 

Personal growth is not an easy thing. Acknowledging you may not know everything, nor have all the right answers is a very difficult thing to admit, especially to yourself... don't worry about admitting it to others; those who love you will understand the misdeeds, especially if they are coming from the right place.

I hope you all have a great day. Stay safe. Stay warm/cool. Be well. Be blessed. Most of all, Be loved.

~Phoenix