When Memories Pop Up...

Hi. I guess I have a lot to say today LOL.

 I am not sure if it was yesterday, or the day before, (I have short term memory loss, so I DO get my days confused sometimes)... 

I was sitting talking with someone I definitely consider my sister, and my Ma; when we were talking about something and I very casually mentioned HER name. 

It blew my mind.

You all know my rule. I do NOT mention names...

I cannot even recall what the conversation was about, but the mere mention of her name used to bring me such heartache. See, this woman had been my best friend since we were 13 years old. We shared everything from minor school spats to fights, to the birth of our kids and deaths of family members... somewhere along those decades, we changed into very different people; and I never understood why, since we grew up the same way.

(No, I won't share her story, because even though we have fallen out, I don't believe in throwing people under the bus; nor do I divulge their deep, dark secrets they have confided in me... call me stupid, but it's just the way I am built. I will NOT compromise my integrity nor change me stance on loyalty EVER!!!)

As you have just read, her and I had a falling out. A massive one, that we will never recover from. I had simply come to the conclusion that I loved the girl she was, not the woman she had become. The end of our friendship was devastating to me. I literally mourned it like it was a death; because in a sense it was. 30+ years of this person being in my life is a HUGE deal. Anyways I am getting off topic...

What I was trying to say is I was able to say her name so casually in conversation; it took me by surprise. It wasn't until today that I realized speaking her name had zero effect on me. I know people say that time heals all things, and for the most part, I know that is NOT true; but in this case I guess it is. This is just one more book of my life that has been tossed into the fire and is ash now. 

Yah, I know... I am not like most. You close the chapter... I BURN THE WHOLE DAMN BOOK!!!

Stay real. Be blessed!!!

~Phoenix

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