Catch Ya on the Flip Side

 

Tonight... the one night a year, where I really do not want to close my eyes; not even for a second!!! 

I know, many of those close to me try to convince me that it is time to let it all go... that's all fine and dandy; but your ignorance is truly bliss, and I love that for you.

Clearly you have never lost a loved one that was so near and dear to your heart, and it shows... consider yourself blessed.

I don't want to wallow in sadness. I don't want to shed a tear. I simply want to keep his memory alive. I know it is 15 years ago; but every day I wake up terrified I will roll over and find another dead body beside me. 

(Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous to people, but its the very definition of cPTSD).

I keep his memory alive. I try to replay his boisterous voice or sinister laughter, in my head; but sadly it seems to be slowly fading away. I hate that the last of his memories; the last of our moments are disappearing with the sands of time. I don't want to forget. I don't want to lose the last piece of him.

Goodnight Lovies. Rest in Paradise Teddybear!!! We raise a glass to you. Keep the rubber side down, and I shall catch you on the flipside. Thank you for loving me!!!

~ Phoenix

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