How Do You Cope???

 

Wow a second entry and it's bearly the afternoon. WTF is wrong with me? LOL I guess I am still in celebratory mode over wickedly surpassing my goals here in this blog... I have a new goal in mind for this blog, as well as tackling my true crime blog,

(I really let that one slack HARD CORE, and it's been nagging at me because true crime is one of the biggest thing I love investigating)...

I am going to write about something that may seem like a downer to some; but to me, it isn't. I talk about Teddybear quite often.

 I kinda feel like if I stop talking about him, his memory will be wiped off this earthly plane; and even though it's been 15 years since he left this world... his presence is just as prominent as when he drew breath here!!!

My Teddybear is the one who taught me how to live through his dying. I know that sounds like a strange comment, especially from someone who became a widow at 34 years of age. It's true though. He lived his life with such vigour and vitality, that his life being snuffed out at such a young age was the cruelest thing this universe ever did.

I don't bring up his passing to be sad, I write today to clarify something...

I don't "hate" a lot of things in life; but this is one thing I hate with every fiber of my being... I have a profound hatred for people who do this. I lose all respect for them, and will literally kick them out of my life if I ever find out they are pulling this shit...

Let me explain...

Do NOT ever drink and drive. Don't EVER be under the influence when you get behind the wheel of any vehicle.

(This is also the main reason I despise New Year's Eve. I associate it with heavy drinking and people getting stupid and doing dire things).

See, Teddybear was hit by a drunk driver when he was working as a towtruck driver. He was hit sooooo hard by the car, that his truck rolled 4 times. He was hanging upside down in his truck for 45 minutes before the police and EMTs realized he was still alive. They were too busy attending to the fucker that hit him!!!

The accident didn't immediately kill him... No the universe couldn't be that kind to him!!!

Teddybear suffered another 7 (yes, SEVEN) years before his body had enough and his heart just stopped. I will never forget that fateful morning, waking up to him lying dead beside me in bed; never would I see his mischievious eyes, or hear his sinister laugh again. He fought every day of those seven years to be all the man he could be; even when the last of his days, he was wheelchair bound and felt he was a burden to me... something he never could be!!!

I guess the message I am trying to get across here is time never truly heals the losses we have in life; we simply learn to live with them. I also wanted to share why I feel NYE is just another day on the calendar. I am not a drinker. I am not a partier. I don't like being around loud, obnoxious drunk or high people... they trigger me, in ways I cannot even describe. 

(I think people should not judge others on why they do things the way they do, especially when they do not know the circumstances as to the WHY... and if they are not sharing the why, it may be because they can't... just keep that in mind!!!)

I know it has been 15 years this month, that Teddybear is gone, but I can never thank him enough for being a part of my life. For sharing his wisdom and guidance. For the laughter, the good times and the hardships. I know he suffered immensely and the only solace I take in his passing is that his physical shell is no longer in pain... 

(Yes, my beliefs are MINE. I do NOT need your approval). 

I send my hugs and love to all those who have lost loved ones, either by natural causes or tragedy. I cannot sugar-coat the process, as it is different for everyone. I choose to take the lessons he shared and taught me, carrying them on to the next generation; and if we are meant to meet again on the next plane... so be it. Until then...

Catch ya on the flip-side,

~Phoenix