Insomnia in Full Force ~ You WILL Pay!!!

Hi everyone. Surprise. Surprise. I have a few more things to get off my chest today. I have spoken on this topic a few times, I don't think I have mentioned names, and for now, I won't be... but that is not going to prevent me from sharing what I am going through!!!

I have suffered from insomnia for the majority of my life. Thankfully, I had been able to find a regime that has given me the ability to sleep most nights, and sometimes only waking once a night... 

Unfortunately I am back to the "sleep with one eye open" - "fight or flight" mode. Trust when I say cPTSD is a very REAL thing!

Bear with me as I try to tactfully explain what has happened and how it has triggered me sooooooo bad...

I told you all about the sexual asssaults and harrassment that has been happening to me, from a person who works for the company who owns the building where I reside. I have taken the incidences to the higher ups and their legal department, who have reassured me I would never have to see him again, that he will be working a couple hours away from this building and he is banned from the premises. They openly admitted they were on my side.

NO SURPRISE THIS IS NOT THE FIRST INCIDENT AND HE'S GOT RECORDS OF IT IN HIS EMPLOYMENT FILE, EVEN GIVEN WARNINGS AFTER HE WAS CAUGHT CAUSING STRIFE FOR HIS BOSS AND HER MARRIAGE!!!

Let's get to yesterday...

I had to go out somewhere, which in itself is a task for me. I have terrible social anxiety and I really don't like people. I had locked up my place, I walked to the lobby and who was standing there??? HIM!!! I was visibly shaking. I bolted out the backdoor, risking wiping out on the skating rink of a driveway we have, over having to deal with him. I was shook. 

When I returned from my errand, he was still at the building, so I literally became a hostage in my own residence AGAIN... something I've had to do for months in fear (anxiety) that he'd show up at my place at any moment. I found out he was working in the basement. I took pictures of his vehicle and of him when he was outside. I don't know what my next steps are, I am not going to continue to be a victim of this POS!!!

Mentally, it fkd with me though. I could not sleep for the life of me. I tossed and turned most of the night. I literally wanted to set my bed on fire because all I was feeling last night was the way he groped me after coming into my home without permission. I felt violated all over again. I will fight my anxiety and fears AGAIN, but right now I just want to crawl into a hole. I NEED to be in the arms of someone I trust. Someone who means safety and security to me. I truly need that sense of KNOWING... if that makes sense?!!

Oh, before I sign off, I found out this guy is trying to start a lawsuit against me, claiming this is defamation of character. I can't get over how fkn stupid he is. I have video evidence of the very actions he committed AND I have several witnesses to the sexual harrassment... on top of that, I know of at least 6 or 7 other woman that he's also made unwanted sexual comments towards.

I guess after all that has been said, I hope somehow I will be able to rest later tonight and actually sleep. Sorry for venting, but I needed someone to hear me.

Much love,

~ Phoenix

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