It's FriYay... The First FriYay of February

 

Page 38 of 365.

Good Evening Lovies. I figured I would send out a post before I completely brainfart and forget AGAIN. I can't stand missing time from my "art". 

Writing is absolute therapy for the soul, and I tend to shut down when I don't have this outlet to release my opinions without being criticized, or people giving me dirty looks; because honestly, I don't have any more fucks to give and not enough bats or hockey sticks to correct the situation that may arise since I am not the jackass whisperer.

This past week has felt like a lifetime for me. I am not saying anything "bad" has happened to me, per say... I am just absolutely, completely mentally, emotionally and physically drained. I don't think my brain can take too much more.

My brainfog has been the worst it has been... in YEARS!!! My insomnia is back with a vengeance, along with my anxiety. I am emotionally stressed, because even though I am told that I am not to blame for some events that happened; in an indirect way... I AM!!! I am being promised things about that sexual predator, and how I am protected from him; but the next day he's here at my residential building. The following day, the higher ups in the company AGAIN reassure me that he will not be within 100 mile radius of the building; but how do I trust that AFTER all their other lies???

Being mentally exhausted is something I cannot even put into words. I have been in several conversations this week, where I have had to stop and think about what I was talking about, not even knowing why I wa talking about it; even after having the person I was conversing with, trying to retell me the conversation.

Things have come to light that I had only dreamed of being real... I won't share those details because people tend to have this weird ass jealous mentality, and as soon as they know someone is happy, they will do anything to nix it. THAT AIN'T HAPPENING!!!

Personal events are coming up, that even though I know 100% what the answers are going to be, I am apprehensive of the aftermath. I really question what will happen when this knowledge is revealed, (for the second time ~ even though the first time there was absolutely no way to deny it, but it was). It's a bittersweet situation.

Something not one of us chose to be in; but it feels like I am the one who is feeling that way; and I REFUSE to be held accountable for the actions of others ~ especially those that resulted in the creation of me!!!

Yes, my head is swirling... It is spinning, so much so that I am back to being a "weeble-wobble" all day long, every day. Some people have NO idea how much mental health effects physical health.

I think I am simply going to focus on the positive things in my life right now. They may be few and far between, but they are things I hold so sacred to my heart. I am NEVER going to lose sight of that again.

That's all I got folks!!! I don't even know if this blurb is going to make sense to the masses, but it is making sense to me LOL. Have a great night everyone. Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Be Blessed.

Most of all... BLE LOVED!!!

~Phoenix

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's a Hide Under the Covers Kinda Day

Image
Page 14 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. I really, really hope your day is going better than mine!!! Sorry, woke up at the asscrack of dawn, as I had a doctor's appointment this morning.  Thankfully it was with my family doctor; appointments with him are fairly painless.  Today, however; things kinda went sideways.  I am usually in and out within 10 mins for these appts, but today? I was there for over 45 minutes. Of course, it didn't help that I was puking maroon blood in the office. I know, I don't share a lot of my medical nor really personal stuff on here, but just so you're aware, this has been happening daily since end of May/beginning of June last year. I am what they call an "anemic blood clotter" which I didn't think was possible, but apparently it runs on the paternal side of my family. Anyways, that was the main focus of my visit after that. My stomach medication is being switched AGAIN, this time I am being set up with an antibiotic (which is cra...
Read more

FFS I Matter Too!!!

Image
Good evening lovies. I have been struggling with something that is very close to my heart. I truly do not know where to proceed next. I'm going to try and make a very long story as simple as I can... I was adopted at 5months of age, (well apprehended at 5 months, adopted at 5 years). There is something that adoptees yearn for all their lives... WHY?  I know for me there were many questions and on my 19th birthday it appeared I was going to get those answers when I met the woman who birthed me. Unfortunately, I was sorely mistaken!!! Years went by, and I allowed this woman to have control over certain things that were weighing heavily on my heart, She held the one piece of the puzzle that felt missing from my heart... who my biological father was?!! I, one day decided that I wasn't going to allow another person have that kind of control over me... EVER!!! I left the situation alone. I struggled deeply. I was literally at war with myself. on this topic. In a way, I felt guilty th...
Read more

Tis the Season.... Why I Am Proud of Local Tattoo Shop!!!

Image
  Page 307 of 366. Good Afternoon Lovies. I am not sure how long this blurb is going to be; as it seems to be a topic I have been beating to death this past year. I know it is the time of the year where we switch from Halloween/Samhain into Thanksgiving (in the US) to Yule/Christmas season.  I hate pointing out this fact, but people seem to feel like Christmas time is the only time of the year that they should be charitable...  Is it out of guilt that you are donating, or is it because you genuinely feel you should be helping people??? I AM sort of calling you out because this is NOT the only time of the year that the homeless, or the downtrodden need help. I cannot stand that this is around the only time you will see non-stop commercials/ads or billboards that are asking for help with various charities; also the time we see commercials about driving under the influence. WHY IS THAT??? Driving under the influence is a year-long problem... I will not get into details about...
Read more