Know When to Walk

 

Page 88 of 365. 

Good Day Lovies. I know it's been a rather crappy start to the weekend, weather-wise, unfortunately it looks like this weather is sticking around through Sunday... but having freezing rain and ice storms with power outages is kinda the norm for the average Canadian, no???

I got my main shopping done this morning, didn't really need too much and I really wasn't up to dealing with people (even more than usual). I don't know if it was the lack of a decent sleep last night or just the day...

I have been reflecting on the things that are required of me to maintain relationships with various people; and if I am willing to dedicate so much of myself to them. The biggest one by far, is my relationship with my family members. I know that the once fragile relationship between my parents and I has become irreparable. I know in some twisted way, I should feel bad about it; but to those who have watched what this toxic relationship has done to me through the years... they are very happy I have decided to completely cut the cord.

There is some discord between me and my oldest. I hope that one day we can repair what is shattered. My love for her and her children has never changed; but I also know that she needs to figure out her own life and only after then can we attempt to repair our relationship. Don't get it twisted... I am as much at fault as she is. We butt heads over a few things, but my love for her is always there. I really hope she knows that.

My son and I are good. He lives far away from me which is the sucky part. I hope he comes home soon because I have a 3 year old granddaughter, I haven't physically met yet.

I have my friends. my famILY/ my Tribe... but even within that circle I am struggling. It has been a difficult day, and I am having the urge to runnnn. I tend to be a runner. I take off at a whim, so I can clear my mind and fix my heart. I mean, not just to another town, I tend to move hours away... across country kinda deal. Maybe that is simply what my gypsy soul was meant for... be a solo wanderer, exploring everything and anything, until I draw my last breathe. Maybe I am just not meant to be with anyone. Maybe, just maybe... when I say, "I'm just me".... it actually means... "It IS just me!!!

Pondering thoughts of the lost soul

~ Phoenix

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