Sunday Funday???

 

Page 117 of 365.

Good Morning Lovies. I hope ya'll had a great weekend. Mine has been a bit hectic, but there is a sense of peace back in my bubble. 

Don't get me wrong, I love helping people out... I always will; it's the nature of my being. The problem is, sometimes, I over help to the point that it gets detrimental for my own well-being.

I came to a very emotional realization last night while watching the Ottawa Senators kick Toronto Maple Leafs asses :) 

I am not going to apologize for being a sports fanatic, especially hockey... I am Canadian afterall!!!

If you have been following my blogs through the years, you know that Teddybear's birthday is approaching, I struggle around that day even more than his death date because his birthday falls around biological Mother's Day and Mother's Day. I do not celebrate any of those days, especially as I got older. 

My son lives in another country, and I don't have a good standing relationship with my daughter right now. As for my mother, I don't celebrate with her because (I have shared some), we have a very complicated relationship. She is my adopted mother, and she NEVER lost the opportunity to remind me of that. She is the reason I don't give a shit about money nor wealth and status that comes with it.... 

SURE, MONEY CAN BUY YOU PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING IN THE WORLD BUT IT CANNOT BUY THE MOST VALUED AND TREASURED, MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE...

LOVE, HONOUR, REPESCT, TRUST AND LOYALTY!!!

As for my "incubator", she literally is nothing more than that to me. She is just a faceless despicable woman who continued to be an incubator to a total of 5 children; not knowing one of our fathers. (Thankfully DNA Ancestry solved the case and I've found my paternal family... )

I am sooooo getting off track about what I wanted to say...

While watching the game, I realized I have a love in my life that is steady, respectful, wholesome, beautiful and sincere... above all that, they bring peace into my life. They don't take away from my peace and serenity; they actually add to my "bubble". It was such a defining moment. I actually said, for the first time in my entire life... I FEEL SAFE. 

Does anyone have any idea how profound those words are???

We laugh. We talk, not just to talk but to comprehend things. We don't get disrespectful with each other... we never have. We honour and trust each other with everything. We have the exact same ideology on life and how it should be; both agreeing people don't have to like it. Him and I are loyal to a fault towards each other... 

At the end of everything I just said... I am at peace. I feel safe. I know that I am exactly where my heart was always supposed to be; but I also know exactly where his heart lies, (not an ounce of insecurity there). This is a first for me... let me enjoy it!!!

I am over hearing the words "soulmates" or "twin flames" or "ride or die" because they are way overused. I don't like labels... I giggle when people use the term "boyfriend" when it comes to their relationship with a grown ass man. I'll stick to "ol man"... when it comes to all other labels, I cannot define us because we fit in our own lane. 

I guess I just wanna say... I am happy. I AM FUCKING HAPPY!!!!!

~ Phoenix

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