Today, I Struggle

Page 101 of 365.

Good day my lovies. I hope you are all enjoying this beautiful Saturday afternoon; may your weekend be as fun as you planned them to be :)

I am hoping to write at least one crime case in my other blog today. I have four that I am debating to write about; not sure which one will end up in there first. 

BUT, this is my personal blog, so let's stick to that...

I have, once again, built my heart up for failure and disappointment. You would think, now that I am on my fiftieth trip around the sun, I would have just slammed the door and given up. Unfortunately, my heart doesn't work that way.

If I recall correctly, I touched on the subject of my parents sending me a text on a Sunday about my sister being in a serious accident on the previous Thursday... the text proving once again that I am an after thought. My only response to that was, "Thanks for letting me know". Not a peep out of them since.

So the other day, my daughter-in-law sent me videos and pictures of my grandbaby, and I decided I would send them to my parents so they could see their great grandchild. I haven't heard a single thing from them... I don't know why I thought this would be any different. I don't know why I always hope things would change. It tears at my heart every fucking time. 

EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!

I guess this is the very definition of insanity, right?!! Doing the same thing, over and over again; expecting a different result... Well then, I guess I am absolutely bat shyt off my rocker insane!!!

Anyways, that is my rant for the moment. It's been weighing heavily on my mind and heart (yes, I actually have one of those). I just don't understand why I have never been good enough. Honestly, I am devastated by how I have been treated and continue to be treated. 

IT FUCKING SUCKS!!!

~ Phoenix

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