Catch Ya on the Flip Side

 

Page 129 of 365.

Good Afternoon Lovies. It is FriYay!!! 

Today is probably a normal day for most, and I have been trying my hardest to just let this day slip by, like any other day; but my heart can't seem to quite let go yet...

Today, is Wayne (aka Teddybear)'s 50th birthday. This is his 16th birthday we are without him. 

Fuck me, 16 years!!!

I wasn't sure I would be able to get my ass out of bed today, but I did. I had made a conscious decision that I was going to celebrate his birthday this year, instead of crying and drowning myself in our memories. 

(It is REALLY hard to tuck away our years together in a lil package in my heart and just leave it there, when it ended with me waking up with you dead beside me, one fateful morning; but damnit I am trying!!!)

As people know, I am a very spiritual person... I know that when people pass, their human shell goes, but their spirits/souls (whatever you want to call them) sometimes remain, knowing their "job" here isn't done. I have felt his presence through the years, especially in trying times. In recent years, I have more or less, released that sentiment, knowing I was going to be alright.

Some people never love again after they lose their spouse, especially at such a young agae (I was only 33). I really didn't think I had the strength, hope or ability to put the energy into another person. I honestly didn't think I had love left in me to give to anyone... but the universe had other plans for me...

I DID meet someone, and after a couple years together, I felt I was in a partnership for life... Yah, I was sorely mistaken... It was at that point, I understood I DID have more than enough love to give to another person AND love myself again!!! It was a very big epiphany for me. Unfortunately, that person ended up being my karmic flame, and we went our separate ways... and not in a very pleasant way neither.

Today, I can sit here confident in myself, in my choices and most of all, in who I am. I have someone in my life who loves me... deeply, solely and completely. It's funny how it was your death that taught me how to live. Your death also taught me what REAL love is... for that, I am grateful. Until we meet again...

Catch ya on the flip side <3

~ Phoenix

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