Mental Health Check-In

 

Hey y'all. I felt it important to do a mental health check in. I know everyone deals with mental health in one form or another. 

As you know, I am very outspoken about my own personal journey; and I jope to continue to do so. If my experiences can help even one person understand that they are not alone... than I am grateful!!!!

(Before I go down this path, please remember I do NOT talk about others struggles on here. Their journey is theirs, and it is their story to tell... not mine!!!)

This past week, probably two weeks have been pretty heavy. I have been spending a lot of time in my room, which I tend to make into a dungeon. Cool, dark and therapeutic music... which can range from heavy metal to thunderstorms to frequency therapy to Ava Satanas (Dark Monastery Gregoriam Chants). Either way, I have been noticing I have started isolating myself and been trying to shake out whatever inner demons are surfacing.

Some of you may not know this about me, but I have had bouts of depression so bad that I have lived in my bedroom for years straight. I left it to eat (if I was even hungry), and to shower. YEARS!!! If I didn't confine myself to my bedroom, I would venture as far as my living room. It was so bad, that no one knew I lived in this building for the first three years I was here.

I guess what I am trying to get as is this...

I have been on a pretty even keel. A lot of that has to do with my roommates, my person and me pushing myself away from the edge. This week kicked me hard, and I admit... it has been a super difficult struggle. Probably for the first time ever, I am choosing ME. I know that sounds selfish... in a way, it feels selfish BUT the only way to protect myself mentally and emotionally is to do this.

I cannot be the one to give people answers. I cannot have it on my shoulders on what is right or wrong for them... I won't be able to handle the burden if I make the wrong one for them. Others won't accept the advice they are given, so it's the saying... "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!!!"

After what happened this past week with people triggering my cPTSD, my anxiety went sky high and my depression kicked in soooooo hard. The issue is THAT person who did it, KNEW how it would affect me, even knowing I was dealing with some troubling decisions with my dad. I don't know if I can get past that, to be perfectly honest.

I am only going to concern myself with me, my person and those who are my closest famILY... beyond that, people are on their own. This is not saying I don't care about other people, it simply means, I am not allowing their problems become mine. We are all grown ass adults, and it's time people take accountability for their own stuff; whatever that may be.

The struggle is real!!!!

~ Phoenix