Alone in a Room Full of People

Page 264 of 365.

Good Afternoon Lovies. It's Sunday Funday. It's NFL Sunday. I hope everyone is still able to get out and enjoy the nice fall weather we are having. I am grateful for the cooler temps... I do NOT do well with heat.

Today, I am sort of beating myself up, for lack of a better phrase. I know, in the past while, I have been able to stay on a pretty level keel; but shyt has been getting to me, and I have went on a bit of a downward spiral.

I have some terrible PTSD in certain things, and I have thought I had that more, or less, under control... BOY, was I wrong. That damn mental disorder snuck up on me these last few weeks, and it's deeply hurt me... Yet, if I were to explain it to people, they would say it's an irrational feeling. (No, not everyone)...

I am struggling expressing myself to people I trust my life with. My words aren't coming out right, It isn't a trust thing... it is that my mind is soooo twisted by what other people, and surroundings are doing to me. I don't want to lay that on top of my person; he doesn't deserve the wrath... which leaves me in a funk; literally feeling completely alone, in a room full of people!!!

Do you have any idea what it feels like to desperately need a hug, to be wrapped in the arms of the person you feel safest with, while trying to not be a burden to them??? (Even though they always reassure you that is NEVER the case)...

The struggle is REAL!!!

Stay safe

~Phoenix

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