When The Toll Catches You

Page 25 of 365.

Good Morning Lovies. How are you today? For those of you who are in the area... please stay safe, and warm as possible; hell, just keep your grubbies on, cuddle under a blanket and watch a movie, or football (not footie). 

I know, most of you are cussing out Mother Nature right now. I am sorry, that I can't hold the same sentiment as you. I love snow. I am the weird one who likes the dreary rainy days over the hot sunny ones in the summer too. 

MEH. It is what it is!!!

I have a lot weighing on my mind; with probably even more weighing on my shoulders. I am scared about tomorrow. I don't believe in God, but I will be praying all day. It really isn't my story to tell; but I ask all my readers and followers to please send up positive/healing vibes out. It is deeply appreciated.

Tomorrow is also the death date of my Uncle who passed away in 2018. He will always be close to my heart. My aunt would always tell me stories of when I was about 6 months old, I went to stay with them because my mother (adopted) had hurt her back. 

My Uncle was a long distance truck driver; it didn't matter what time he got home ~ he would wake me up, plop me on the kitchen table, and share his dinner with me. He is also the one who introduced me to football, and the reason I am such a HUGE fan of the TORONTO ARGONAUTS. 

As for the NFL, we had our difference of "opinions when it came to teams ~ He loved Buffalo Bills and I love San Francisco 49ers. I really miss our banter; that was our thing... so, football will always have a special place in my heart.

I have more I am trying to cope with. I am known for having a voice. I'm a person who cannot witness injustice and remain silent about it. I fight tooth and nail when I see someone who doesn't have a "voice", and though people think it is a "heroic" thing... it's just something in my DNA. It gets very taxing at times. Frustrating, depressing and heartbreaking. 

I had a really bad episode the other day. It was to the point that I questioned why I am doing this; why am I helping people? I already knew the answer was because I have a big heart; then came the really tough question... 

WHO IS THE ONE HELPING ME???

I know who is there. I know who will always be in my corner; but when I "break" like that, I can't see anything nor anyone. I don't think I am explaining it properly. It has just been a tough go of it lately. I know I am doing all this for the right reasons, but at what cost???

The struggle is real!!!

Stay safe. Stay warm. Be well. Most of all, Be LOVED!!!

~ Phoenix

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