Ramblings of a Canadian Gypsy Phoenix

  Hey Lovies. I apologize for the late entry, but tonight, my heart weighs a little heavy. Life has taught me, over and over... a lesson, I still falter over. People who say they are your friends, a lot of the time, are strangers (or enemies), in disguise. I find it ironic that I posted about this recently... A FRIEND OF MY ENEMY, IS NOT MY FRIEND!!! Today, was a bitter pill to swallow... or the irony in that sentence! It's amazing how years can taint your vision. I'd say "rose-coloured glasses", but that is sooooo yesterday.(You can probably HEAR my eyes rolling from wherever you are).  T hings that have transpired in the last couple weeks just reaffirms WHY I am so selective as to who sits at my table, compared to those who get to clear the scraps!!! I DO have to admit, I'm getting tired of waiting for people to expose themselves and their agendas. Wouldn't life be soooooo much easier if everyone came with a 30-second trailer about themselves??? It would sav...

Page 204 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. How was your day? Mine? It has been rather quiet, and a bit reflective. I am trying to stay on the positive side, focusing on the things I have, not the things I want... although, what I really "want", I already have!!! I am not a millionaire by any means, if people were to look through my finances, they would see that I live below the poverty line here in Canada... but ywt, I lack nothing.  I have a roof over my head, my bills are paid, I have food in my belly. I have people that love me, as much as I love them... and then, I have my person. Someone who irrevocably loves me, and I, him. I have lived with the philosophy that I'd rather live in a shoebox and be real, have real; than conform to the ways of society... and that is exactly how I live.  I honestly would hate to see where I would be right now, had I conformed to the lifestyle that was expected of me. I guess what I am trying to say, is this... The world around us is in com...

  Page 203 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. How are y'all doing? I am kind of bouncing off walls, as I had zero sleep last night, for some reason my brain decided it wanted to go in a million directions all night... SMFH I finally gave up and crawled out of bed, very sluggish today, but I DID accomplish something... and it did NOT require bail money LOL. I managed to stay on the phone waiting for some civilian who works for the government to pick up the call... it only took 43 minutes. Thankfully, I had someone who spoke proper English (IYKYK). It was something I have been trying to correct for a few years now, and I completed it; so YES, I feel accomplished again today :) I am writing with sadness in my heart though... I know it sounds so bizarre to say that the death of someone famous is affecting me, but this one is very near and dear to my heart.  Ozzy Osbourne passed away today.  He was 76 years old, and was coping with a severe rapidly deteriorating illness. He was pa...

  Page 202 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. I hope you all are having a good day, despite it being Monday. It is Monday, right? LOL Sorry, I am a bit of a space case today LOL. I woke up in a fairly decent mood. I managed to get a few things accomplished.  I am feeling confident that one part of my medical journey is heading in the right direction, and for that I am extremely grateful.  I fully acknowledge that I will be on medication for the rest of my life, in order for my organs to function somewhat like the average human-being. Sadly, a few of my organs are kinda screwed, not because I abused my body, more because I was born with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome)... I am not sure what the term is for it now... the other part is mostly due to physicians misdiagnosing me, and giving me the wrong prescriptions. Thas is a tale for another day. I also took the bull by the horns when it came to the conditions everyone in my building are living in. I am fed up with all the BS and c...

As promised, this entry is going to be a bit more about me opening up about some of my personal demons.  I know that mental health is still a huge taboo subject; and people would rather shove any topic that makes them feel uncomfortable under the rug... I cannot do that. I will always advocate for mental health awareness!!! I HAVE mental health issues and disorders... I am not "mental" or "crazy" or "insane". It's like referring to people who HAVE cancer, you don't call them "cancerous", or imply that they are a burden to society because they have an illness, do you??? I can explain some examples of things that happen and how I react to them; to some, my actions make absolutely no sense to another, but they are completely valid to me... I am a HUGE stickler for not going to bed angry, nor leaving the house if you are fighting with your partner or significant other. (This only became more prominent after I woke to finding my husband dead b...

  Page 201 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. I hope you are having a great Sunday Funday. It feels unreal that we are already towards the end of July, doesn't it???  As you have read in my blog, the weather has been excessively hot here... I have become more recluse than usual. I am a full-time hermit these days. The only time you will catch me outside is when I have a medical appointment, grocery shopping, or simply going "up the street"...  I have no desire to see people (in general), and let's be real, it is wayyyyyy too peopley out there!!! The last day, or two have thrown some weird and heavy shyt my way. I am not going to get into too much detail, but some things have really become very clear to me... the biggest one being... Friends of your enemies are no friends of yours. They're just spies!!! I am not surprised by this though; I had been expecting it for a long time. This week just confirmed it beyond any reasonable doubt. Some other news I got, shouldn'...

Page 199 of 365. Good afternoon Lovies... rather, Good Evening!!! Today has been a lil cooler, so absolutely more bearable.  I spent most of the day in bed, as my body fails me... unfortunately that leads me to wander deep in my head, going to places I don't like traveling to. Just when I began to feel like I don't need to worry about things, that fkn little voice in my head reminds me of all the rotten trickery I've already endured. Trust me, when I say, it's not a place I wish for anyone... even my worst enemy. No one warns you that healthy love would feel like a threat, not because anything is wrong BUT because nothing is. When you are used to surviving in chaos, peace feels like a set up. Now is the time for the forever life lesson of how to UNLEARN the art of self sabotaging... something I have perfected in my 50 trips around the sun!!! I sometimes feel like I am stepping into familiar territory, but the terrain has completely changed; if that makes sense?!! I am d...

  Page 198 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. Happy Thor's Day!!! I hope you all are doing well. It's been a "rough" couple weeks, I am not gonna lie.  This recent full moon really threw me for a loop... The first one in a very long time; oddly it affected sooooo many people I know. It wasn't just the full moon, it's those pesky planets... six were in alignment, and right after the Buck moon, there were 7... Holy Hannah!!! I honestly think, this is the first day in a very long time I can take a full breathe and know that things are okay. Today is just a day of peace. I don't like that I have been neglecting my writing because it's the only therapy that seems to really work for my soul.  I haven't been doing my crime blog at all.... which frustrates me, because it's one thing that fascinates me. I love diving into the "behind the scenes"... the mind behind the crime, the forensics, the trial, etc.; but more often than not, I am displeased ...

  Page 196 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. I cannot believe how much I have been slacking on my writing, especially when I have soooooo much stuff to talk about... I have mentioned how we are having all kinds of extreme weather lately, and the cases of flooding has been insane. Most of the people I know, see this as a distraction to what is really happening in the world... I tend to agree; but it seems others are not ready to hear it. It's honestly like the deaf are leading the blind 🙈🙉🙊 On a more personal level the past week has been more of a whirlwind than anything. I am not going to write about some of the incidences because some people just don't deserve my energy. The only thing I am going to say about the situation is this... for all the people involved, my loyalty is with one person, and one person only. This is where your first mistake was. People lie. People are users and people are abusers. The one thing people don't understand is you don't turn your back o...

Page 190 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. I know. I know. I keep saying I am going to keep up on my writing, then I get distracting by life, or my health forces me to put this aside for a while. It sucks, but it is my reality! The weather continues to be as rude as ever... the world continues to be struck with misfortune; whether it be "natural" disasters, explosions or accidents; everyone is dealing with one thing or another.  These are definitely trying times with many people on edge, most of the time. Something has got to give... and SOON! I don't want to make this blurb about my health today... I want to put out all my love, thoughts and positive vibes to everyone who is suffering today. I am thinking of all the people affected by this unprecedented flooding happening.  (Sorry, you can NOT tell me, this is natural. I don't buy it!!!) Chicago is being hit right now with torrential rains. Streets have become rivers with a deluge of five inches of rain in the span of a...

  Page 183 of 365.  Good Afternoon Lovies. How are you all doing, now that summer is officially in full swing? I have been faring pretty well, at least until today. I woke up feeling lethargic, so it wasn't a fun morning; then I had a "mini" seizure...  I say "mini" because it didn't last long, and it was a focal awareness seizure. Quite simply put, I have these seizures quite often, I don't usually have twitching or tremors, although I DO get those every so often. I end up staring off in space, so to speak.  I am most of the time, fully aware of what is going on around me; but I am not able to speak, or properly communicate for the duration of the seizure and for a while afterwards... other times, I have them and am completely unaware of it. I won't remember having one, and my memory loss will be very bad at that time.  Those who are around me will be able to notice if I have had them in my sleep because I will be stuttering, and struggling for word...