Ramblings of a Canadian Gypsy Phoenix

  Hey y'all. Yah, Yah. I know, I should be tucked nicely in bed and dreaming about all the good things in life, but my brain has decided, now is the time to get some writing in... so guess who won that argument? Music blasting in my ears and fingers whipping over the keyboard... and here I am... This kinda goes out for people who are in the same position as I am. I am not writing this as a "victim" nor for sympathy; I am writing so others may know that they are not alone during these stupid ass holidays. Everyone is celebrating for different reasons and that's their perogative, but that doesn't mean I am not going to lay my two cents out there. (Fuck with inflation it's now 5 cents fkrs!!!) First, I want to thank all those who have been there for me through this past week; inviting me to dinners and including me in their family, when clearly they didn't have to. It is soooo deeply appreciated, I don't think I can find the proper words to express my gra...

  Good morning y'all. It has been a few days since my last confession... LOL Just kidding, I don't need to confess anything to anyone because I don't owe anyone an explanation about who I am, what I am or who the fuck you are to me. I will get to the point of why I am saying all this as soon as I get this part out of my system... some people over the past few days have really pissed me the fuck off and I am about to blast each and every one of them. You don't want to be on blast??? Than maybe you should learn to keep your pie hole shut because I am not going to sugar coat shit just to appease your fragility. First, someone commented on the situation that had happened in my home the other day and I got a few choice words for you, you dumb fuck. This is MY fucking house and I will never allow a fucking man hit me, spit on me, nor ever disrespect me. You want to beat on your wife, which we all know is a fkn fact... so how about come at a woman like me and see what the fuck...

  Hi everyone. I hope that the universe finds you in good health and good cheer. I know for me, personally, the past few weeks have been very challenging; even making me extremely erratic. I know how terrible it was for my friends, my brothers and mi amor; but sometimes it just happened and although i am very apologetic to everyone I am hurting, they need to understand that it IS mental health issue and I do not intentionally want to be that way... I truly don't. Anyways, that's not what this blurb is about. I wanna discuss my day with you all... To tell you that it's been a busy day is putting it mildly. I got up at 6:30 AM to go do my grocery shopping... the store opens at 7AM, and I know that is the least busy time to be there, and since I have social anxiety, and just don't like people in general I had to do it this way. I then had an episode where I fell again. The falls are getting more frequent and my weeble wobbling has just gotten progressively worse. I can not...

  Good Morning all. It's been an interesting day yesterday... and I use the word "interesting" very loosely. It took everything out of me not to punch someone in the face yesterday, not just for being a rude asshole but for also being utterly disrespectful. So here's the backstory... I had went to a newish company, (I won't mention their name as they have been great to me), for my cable and internet but they sent a "Mother" company to do the installation... well let me tell ya... This guy had to be the rudest person I had met to this day, and I wasn't going to put up with his shit at all. He told me it wasn't his job to hook up a cable line to reach where I require my modem to be, in order for it to work through my entire place. I asked him if he was going to set up the cable boxes; he looked at me like I was a fkn idiot and said that wasn't his job. So after being bitchy with him, he did bring enough cable to place it in the right place and ...

  I don't even know where to begin with this blurb because I have so much running through my mind. Bear with me, as I find that writing is my therapy and a great (safe for others), way of me getting out all the shyt that is happening in and around my life. Some days, I feel like I could be going through a mid-life crisis as I can't decide which way is right, or left, or wrong anymore. Its either that, or someone placed a curse on me... and if that is the case... CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!! Anyone who knows me, knows I am NOT a saint, nor do I pretend to be. I am as much of a fk up as anyone else in this world... I just tend to do it on a grander stage, LOL Well, I am kinda getting off course with all this crap... I was presented with an interesting question... "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Now, I am not one of those people who wants riches or to have the most expensive, newest toys (other than a Harley - a girl can dream). My answer has always remained the same. I...

  Good Morning everyone. Don't ask what has gotten into me, that I would be wishing anyone a "good day" on a Monday of all things. I am guessing it was the convos from last night and the fact that I got more than 2 hours sleep, but who knows; the day is still young and we all know that stuff can flip real quick. For now, I am just going to write what is on my mind and we'll see where this all goes. I would like to start with sharing that it is my brother and my sister's birthday today. I hope they both have a fantastic day and get spoiled rotten. May the next year be filled with nothing but love, laughter, good health and wealth. May the only tears that stain their faces be those of sheer joy. I love you both and am sooooo grateful you've become part of the tribe I always wanted and needed. Now, it is also my son's godfather's birthday today, so I need to send out a shout out to him too. He is one of my oldest friends. I have known him for 34 years, ma...

I guess it is technically morning, but I haven't slept yet, so it's Sunday to me. As y'all know, the majority of this weekend was a shitshow and I really didn't think I was going to get out of the funk I was in.  Stressing about my home, my kids, my friends, mi amor among others... somehow forgetting that I must also take care of myself. In the midst of my meltdown, I hurt soooooo many people that I don't think an apology is will be suffice... I KNOW all those who love me have told me they accept my apology and understand what set me off; but to me, that is not an excuse for shitty behaviour. I am ALWAYS preaching how mental health is not an excuse for doing bad things, so I, too, must take accountability for my "stupidness". Well enough with the negative stuff... Tonight was a decent night. My pain level was tolerable, to the point that I didn't even require any medications, nor RSO (although I am completely out of RSO at the moment). I swear by the s...

  I truly have tried and tried to tell you and now I am officially am done. You are someone who is in your late 70s and should absolutely know better!  I am disappointed if you actions and words and will not stand for it, I am shamed to call you "family", and frankly, I couldn't care less who is going to be sick and disgusted by me saying this because for the most part, deep down, others are disgusted too but either don't want to interfere or don't want to get down in the dirt with you - Me?  I have no problem getting down and dirty with you, especially when you continually insult my friends and attack people calling them "Mentally challenged or delusional" or saying that have a few "screws loose" because they have a different belief system than you, or don't completely agree with your political views!!  JUST STOP!!! I am NOT using your name here, but you know EXACTLY who you are! Please don't insult my intelligence by saying that you d...

  You know, I literally have no problem with people who disagree with me.  Frankly, I enjoy it.  I have always been an open minded person and believe firmly if all people agreed with each other, this would be a rather boring world; however, I do demand that people will have respect for each other when sharing their opinions and views.  I am the first one to admit that I am not always right, but I will be damned if I will stand by and allow someone bash my friends and the ones I love with their hateful and disrespectful views! I think in the past few months I have spent soooooooo much time trying to explain to people how their Facebook page is like each person's individual home, and on their page, they have the right to express their own personal opinion... Kudos to them.  If others disagree with their views, you have the option to politely and respectfully voice your opinion or scroll pass their post and continue on with their life; what you don't have the right...

I don't think people realize the amount of pressure that is placed on people who are adopted.  I understand as a child, we are rescued out of the depths of hell sometimes and placed into some very loving homes; but what others don't realize is the agony and anguish some of us adoptees feel for the rest of our lives. Sure, we may have been given clothes on our back, roofs over our heads and what seems to be very loving and caring parents... and even I will admit, that where I was placed was a million times better than where I probably would have ended up had I stayed with the woman who gave birth to me (no, I won't even refer to her as "mother" because spitting out a child, doesn't just automatically give you that title!).  But this is not the pressure I am talking about... Now that I am grown and continue to have my own personal demons to deal with... I was fortunate enough to never get involved with drugs, nor ever feel the need to turn to alcohol.... I still...

  I MAY NOT HAVE MENTIONED THIS YET, BUT I AM ADOPTED AND I HAVE GONE THROUGH THE DIFFICULT JOURNEY OF SEARCHING FOR MY BIOLOGICAL FAMILY AND WAS (UN)FORTUNATE ENOUGH TO FIND THEM – WELL, AT LEAST SOME OF THEM!  HINDSIGHT IS ALWAYS 20/20…. I JUST HOPE THAT MY EXPERIENCE CAN HELP SOMEONE AVOID THE ANGUISH THAT I FELT AND CONTINUE TO FEEL! I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS FOR ALL ADOPTEES, BUT THIS IS MY JOURNEY, SO HERE IT GOES… ALL MY LIFE, THERE WAS THE QUESTIONS OF  – WHERE I CAME FROM?  WHO WAS MY FAMILY?  HOW DID I END UP HERE?  WHAT WAS MY BACKGROUND/HERITAGE?  AND I WAS DETERMINED TO FIND OUT, EVEN CALLING EVERY SINGLE PERSON WITH THE LAST NAME I WAS GIVEN AT BIRTH (ALTHOUGH LATER I LEARNED MY LAST NAME WAS SPELLED WITH AN “U” INSTEAD OF AN “I”. ~ IMAGINE HOW MUCH OF AN IDIOT I FELT LIKE AFTER CALLING PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF NUMBERS?)  LOL.  HINDSIGHT PEOPLE!! ANYWAYS, THE PROCESS HERE IS YOU CAN JOIN A REGISTRY AND IF A BLOOD RELATIVE ALSO REGISTE...

OKAY, SORRY I HAVE NOT BEEN AROUND LATELY TO WRITE.  ITS NOT LIKE I HAVEN’T HAD A MILLION THINGS TO WRITE ABOUT BUT NOW THAT THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER I HAVE A REAL URGE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS TOPIC – BODY SHAMING!!  IT REALLY CHEESES ME OFF. SO MANY PEOPLE THINK IT IS SHAMEFUL WHEN I CALL MYSELF “FAT”, BUT I REALLY DON’T GET IT.  I DON’T FIND IT OFFENSIVE BECAUSE IT IS THE TRUTH.  I AM NOT A SKINNY PERSON, NOR AM I MORBIDLY OBESE.  I AM FAT!  I REALLY DON’T NEED PEOPLE TELLING ME I AM FAT BECAUSE ITS NOT LIKE I HAVEN’T LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY, NOR HAVE I BEEN ABLE TO SHOP IN THE REGULAR SIZE SECTION OF A STORE IN THE LAST DECADE, BUT PERSONALLY, I AM OKAY WITH THAT.  HONESTLY, BEING OVERWEIGHT IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD, BUT THIS REALLY ISN’T WHAT MY POST IS ALL ABOUT TODAY. I SPEND MY LIFE WRITING AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE MY PASSION, IT CONSISTS OF WATCHING A LOT OF TV AND CELEBRITIES, PROFESSIONALLY AND PERSONALLY.  I HAVE BEEN SHOCKED BY SOME COMME...

  For those who know me, mental illness is something I have struggled with for decades now.  Some days are great, some are good and occasionally some are unbearable.  Every day is a struggle, its a constant internal battle, that people don't see on the outside; and it is extremely tiresome explaining it to people who refuse to understand.... Ignorance at it's best I guess!   Mental illness isn't visible to the naked eye, so therefore to many it doesn't exist - "its all in your head!" is something I hear sooooo often, and although it technically IS true, its such an ignorant statement to make.  Do you people honestly think those of us who suffer from this, choose to have it any more than someone who has cancer??  Give you head a shake!   Those who know me, know that I have fought so hard to get off medications that have literally destroyed the insides of my body - I won't get into the details of what some of the meds have done to me internally...

  Hi y'all. Wow, is it really almost 2pm already? Today, well this entire weekend has been quite the shitshow. I am not going to get into specifics about certain aspects, as that has always been my policy. Anyways, I am just going to dive into it... Actually before I dive into anything, I want to take a moment and give love and hugs to my sister and brother, as today is the 3rd anniversary of our father's passing. It's a long story, that one day I will share, but today is not the day. I feel bitter sadness about this day. I never got to know him and only discovered who he was after he passed from this earthly plane; but somehow I feel unbelievable sadness and rage because of what and who I was robbed of; if that makes sense to any of you. Now onto what this weekend was all about... To put it bluntly, I no longer wished to be on this earth and decided to take a ton of meds last night. It wasn't against anyone, just simply that I feel like I have lost everything in this w...

Tis the season, right? For many, this is the time of year that families are preparing to get together, do gift exchanges and having those delicious turkey or ham dinners. Normally, I would be in the mood but not this year. Last year was filled with laughter, good times and good people... we had a huge family dinner and it was simply amazing. That's what the season is all about, being with loved ones and simply enjoying each others company... presents have nothing to do with it; the company was gifts enough. Not this year... I am completely on my own and honestly I just want to pack up my Christmas stuff, close the curtains, shut off the lights and just skip everything... wake me up mid January please.  This is something everyone needs to recognize; while the holidays may be simply amazing for you, and I am happy for you; more often than not, people are just hurting at this time of year. We mourn the ones we lost. We cry for the ones who are not gathered at the table. While you are ...

  First off, Good Morning my Lovies. I hope you're all well today. Before I even dive into what has been happening here, I wanna say, for all you "sun lovers", hope y'all enjoy this weather. I can only say one thing on that.... where is the snow??? Geez! All right, you know the routine... grab your fave drink, take a seat and buckle up... it's been an interesting one for sure... Now, as a rule, I do NOT mention names as those are irrelevant to what I need to tell you; although it's taking serious restraint to remain mum on that subject. To make an excessively/repetitive story short, someone thought they could bully me and intimidate me with their size and I fought back. I had vowed to myself that I was never going to allow a man ever lay hands on me out of anger ever again... so when it happened, I clocked this person back. It may have given me my dignity back, and able to keep my self respect, it cost me dearly. Unfortunately, I believe there is no way to rec...

Hi lovies. It is now evening time and I am just so lost in my own head... hell, how is anyone supposed to save me, when I can't even find the way? I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to tell people I am fine... because at the end of the day, who really gives a flying fuck??? I am the last person who will be a burden on anyone. I will take my life, long before it ever comes to that. No, I am not in suicide mode or anything like that, I am just being as straight up as I possibly can. Yah, cancer is just the latest challenge that the Universe has so graciously bestowed on me; and I have an amazing support team. They are trying their hardest to push and pull me through this, keep saying I am a strong person... Like fuck I am!!! What I am is fkn tired!!! Please don't get it twisted. I love my tribe. My brothers and best friend are desperately trying to support me through this, but I don't really have a lot of faith in this round. I have been internally screaming f...

Hi y'all. Hope today has been good to you. I am kind of saying that with a grain of salt because I know for some this day is going to be very trying; but I want them to know, the tribe is 100% beside them and surrounding them with our love. We will help and lift you through all of this, that is a vow brother. I am going to get to talking about my day, because truthfully anything else is not my story to tell.  Grab your fave brew, whether it be coffee, wine, or beer... get comfy and let's dive in... This news is going to kind of screw with some people because a. they have known my stance on things for quite a while. b. I didn't tell anyone other than my bf and my one brother. c. honestly didn't know if I was ever going to put myself through it again... but I have. My parents came out to see me today. We went out for coffee and I had the chance to share everything that is going on in my life. Now, in order to understand why this is big news, you need to understand a lil a...

  Tis the Season. Right??? I am just going to put it out there. I absolutely despise this season. I used to love it. I didn't even like it as a child. You wanna know the biggest memories I have of Christmas from my childhood? My parents, every year, would bring in these real Christmas trees; decorating them was a bitch!!! I cannot tell you how many times I would cut my hands or they'd be bleeding and I couldn't leave until every single decoration was put up, then I was responsible to make sure not a pine needle would be on the ground for the entire xmas season... Yah, THAT'S how I want to remember what are supposed to be celebrations... As I got older, Christmas lost all its gusto for me, altogether... at least until I became a mother myself. Lemme tell you how grateful I was that by that point we no longer used real trees. I loved getting everything up and decorated for my kids. I'd respectfully wait until November 12th of every year and put it up, leaving the tree...

  Morning everyone. I hope you have a blessed Sunday. I have a BUNCH of stuff on my mind, but I am not sure how much is going to go into each blurb. So grab your fave, hot cup of java and take a seat while I take you on the journey into my twisted mind... I am just going to dive into the stuff that I have been posting lately, on my facebook... The top thing I have been posting about is the "Alphabet crew"... I really don't know how else to call them because I know it starts with LBGQT, as for the rest, new letters and now symbols are being added... I can't keep up with all the crap going on with this world. Where do I even start with this, without sounding like a hateful bitch??? You know, I don't really have a problem with people who are gay or bi... I don't care what you do behind closed doors, just like its none of your business who and what I am doing behind closed doors; but this is literally being shoved down our throats and I am not going to sit by and ...