Ramblings of a Canadian Gypsy Phoenix

  Hi Lovies. I know that I lost a day in writing my own words, so I am trying to make up for it here. I, myself, have been in a funk lately and the episode got really bad a couple nights ago and flowed into all day yesterday, even into the wee hours of this morning. (To think it all started because I misread something and it escalated from there). Today is a new day, although it is already 12:22pm... I did not sleep worth shyt last night. I am an emotional wreck and mentally drained. I don't think many of you know how much I despise this date... and am SOOOOOOO grateful it only comes once every 4 years!!! I have been off kilter ever since I decided to go to a family (not famILY) event this coming weekend, and I don't know how to cope with it. I don't know what I was thinking to agree to this, because I have such conflicted feelings about all of it. I initially said I was not going to go at all, then I felt maybe, just MAYBE, this visit will be different and I can come back ...

  Page 60 of the Unknown/ of 366. I am going to write this, not for sympathy... but for awareness. I deeply appreciate those who have been sticking to my safety plan and truly ensuring I don't falter;but facts are this... I DO still tumble. I DO still get lows and suicidal tendencies. I fight them as much as I can, some days just get too hard and I DO wish to be gone from this earthly plane. I don't say this for and to people with intentions of hurting them... it happens in a moment if weakness... in a moment where I'm lost and feel like I'm drowning... like I cannot catch my breath... where I truly do not see any light at the end of the tunnel... or at all for that matter. No amount of medication, therapy or medical shyt is going to change that. I am profusely sorry to those I hurt when I hit those lows. I understand most cannot nor should deal with it. THIS IS MY REALITY!!! I struggle every day to open my eyes, or sometimes even move. My mind cripples me. I do ask for...

'Why, She's Tired' She's tired of healing tired of wrapping up scars in smiles Tired of fighting the dark  when it seems to be the only thing that stays She's tired of aching tired of whispering to herself just to push through just to make it one more day She's tired in a way that sleep won't cure exhausted done with living life so unsure If she's what's wrong just another mistake if loving her is just too much a risk no one is willing to take She's tired of warring with a mind that no one understands deafening the voices that are always there Wanting so badly to surrender to the quiet to lay down her head letting go no longer to care She's tired tired of living just to survive She's tired of wondering and asking herself why ... w h y ... -TerriLynn Le Blanc ©2024 Quotes from the Dark

  Hi y'all. Yes, I am back for another entry. I am writing this one out of gratitude... Yes, I know, I sure feel I am being thankful a lot more lately; and why shouldn't I be??? I know the world outside continues to go to shit, but I am trying to put that on the back burner until we, wolves are called upon to help correct this insanely corrupt world... until then, I sit here and share my life stories and experiences. I want to start off with the fact that my second chapter has been much better than the first one, of this new book... I have a stronger bond with my beloved than ever before. I guess that all comes with growing and building together, no? I have gained a friend, in his mother, and a famILY through him. It's been a beautiful development... sweet and very open, raw and honest. The seats at my table are becoming a lot more sparse as I continue to cut off those who are unnecessary, or not on the same level of enlightment that I am (I know, that doesn't make sens...

  Page 58 of 366. Good Morning Lovies. I hope this day treats you well. I am writing this one today without a title, because I really don't know what this blurb is going to be about... could just be verbal diarhea at this point!!! I am kinda braindead today... so let's see how this goes. I think this picture is the perfect for this blurb... I have been fairly level for the past few weeks, compared to the end of 2023 and January of 2024; but I felt myself slipping yesterday. I had some text messages come in, that I wasn't sure how to respond to.  I have a very complicated history with these people and although I have forgiven them for the pressure and conditions they have placed on me; I still struggle every time I see their names. It's not longer out of rage or bitterness, I am more indifferent to them at this point; which seems really sad considering they were supposed to be the unconditional love everyone needs in their life. I guess, I feel sorry for them and to me, ...

Eleonora ~   Edgar Allan Poe (published 1850) I AM come of a race noted for vigor of fancy and ardor of passion. Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence -- whether much that is glorious- whether all that is profound -- does not spring from disease of thought -- from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect. They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. In their gray visions they obtain glimpses of eternity, and thrill, in awakening, to find that they have been upon the verge of the great secret. In snatches, they learn something of the wisdom which is of good, and more of the mere knowledge which is of evil. They penetrate, however, rudderless or compassless into the vast ocean of the "light ineffable," and again, like the adventures of the Nubian geographer, "agressi sunt mare tenebrarum, quid in eo esset exploraturi." We...

  I am back with more that is on my mind. I know it should be "practice what you preach", but I am more of a "preach what you pracitce" kinda girl. I don't like feeling like a hypocrite or fraud when it comes to my life and my feelings. I know that I am constantly writing about how we need to accept things the way they are and let go of the things we cannot change...  Yah, well... ummm I am not so good at that. I have zero patience for life, or the universe to take its sweet ass time deciding what is best for me. There are very few things I am certain of in this life, but the few that I am... I stand very tall in my convictions.  When it comes to my heart, I will always love and be the healer I am; but I AM getting way better at being selective as to who is getting my love. I have weeded out a lot of people out of my life since we have very little in common and we are all reaching for different goals... lesson or blessin, right??? I admit, I am struggling with a...

Page 57 of 366. Good Morning Lovies. I am going to give a TRIGGER WARNING for this blog entry because it will definitely trigger some people; I know the subject is triggering me sooooo bad, that I don't have a choice BUT to write about this... To gain context, I was watching a reel from @kev_eudy... and HOLY SHIT!!! Is the world still this fucked up?  He played a video about a minister/pastor (whatever his title was doesn't matter) who was preaching to his congregation and he flat out said that if she dressed like that and she got raped; if he were onthe jury... the perp would go free!!! EXCUSE ME??? Did I just hear that correctly? I mean, I am just saying "WOW" right now... but that isn't the response this needs. First off, SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!! Now to get down to the real issue... How is this even acceptable in this day and age. I mean, I know that society is so screwed that they don't even know if they are human, at this point... but this tr...

  Page 56 of 366. Hey my Lovies. I don't know about y'all but I am finding time is going by faster and faster as Spring is approaching... and along with that will come the heat that I cannot stand... Yes, I swear I was a polar bear in another life. The thirst for travel is getting bad, it's coursing through my veins like it never has before. Everyone who knows me, knows that I can disappear on a whim and just vanish, to 10s of thousands miles away. It is most definitely the gypsy blood in me. Yah, yah. A lot of people don't believe in it, but it is a VERY real thing!!! Now that my kids are grown and on their own, raising families of their own; I don't have a need to stay in one place anymore. Frankly, me living at the same address for 12 years in a row is probably the longest I ever stayed in one location. Here is where my struggle lies... where to??? My beloved lives in the States, and right now with the trying times we are facing, thanks to these fkd up government...

Page 55 of 366. Hey everyone, sorry I am kinda late with my entry today... Honestly, wasn't even sure I was going to write one (It's been that kinda day)!!! But here I am, fingers flying across keyboard, attempting to keep up with my random thoughts today... The topic I want to bring up is PTSD (posttraumatic stress disorder)... I know that it is a touchy subject, so once again, I am only writing from my own experiences and feelings. I want to express very clearly, I am not hopeless nor suicidal as I write this; I am simply trying to educate people on something they may not be aware of.  Make sense??  I have PTSD from a variety of events that have happened in my life, so I can share some of those with you... hopefully without triggering me... One of the easiest things to explain is that when I go into a restaurant or bar, I need to be able to sit in the corner with my back against the wall AND be able to know where all exits are; preferrably in sight. I have a VERY difficult t...

Hey Lovies. I am just gonna dive right into this one. I guess it's life's experiences that have taught me that some of the best things in our life are meant to be sacred, personal, and not to share with the world; because there will always be jealousy, vengeance, anger and bitterness when you reveal that you are happy or are very content with how your life is going... this is one of those moments. I AM going to reiterate the words I wrote yesterday, because they are completely from my soul. You know who you are, and I am one hundred percent with you on the privacy thing and anonymity, but I am NOT going to deny that my heart is taken. When you came into my life, it was a very challenging time for me; as you well know. You told me that certain things and people were not good for me. I have HEARD those words before but don't think I actually ever LISTENED to them. You told me I deserved someone good and that I was someone special... still working on that part, but in my heart...

Page 54 of 366. Hi y'all. This is going to be a bit of a different entry as I am writing about some current judicial shit that is really irking me.  Where do I begin... Yesterday, one of Canada's most prolific serial killers, has become eligible for parole. Before I dig into the back story, I want to give a shout out to Pierre Poilevre who I absolutely support... He said, and I quote "COMMON SENSE CONSERVATIVES BELIEVE THAT MASS MURDERERS SHOULD FACE CONSECUTIVE SENTENCES SO THEY ONLY COME OUT OF JAIL IN A BOX!!!"  I couldn't have said it better... So let me explain the case he is talking about first and we can compare it to the twisted mentality of the idiot who is running (into the ground) our beautiful country into the ground... The disgusting individual we are talking about is Robert Pickton aka Pig Farmer Killer or the Butcher. He is a serial killer, serial rapist and also been suspected of more than one act of cannibalism. He began murdering people in the ea...

I'm back LOL. Anyways, I did want to post about this today because it's important to be honest with my readers and followers. I am an open book and a HUGE advocate for mental health awareness; so for me to shy away from my own personal journey and struggles with it, would be a bit hypocritical... so why shy away now??? I don't think I need to rehash everything that has happened since the 22nd of December... if you want to know, you'll have to catch up on my blog. Well, to make a long story short, I am still catching up on all the stuff that resulted from that. I continue with my safety plan, and I cannot thank everyone enough for stepping up and making sure I don't slip down another rabbithole. I have to admit, there has only been one day where I mentioned that "I wish I had my meds"... honestly, I don't even remember what was going on, but something triggered me. But with the help and love from my tribe, I managed to talk it out instead of trying to k...

  Hmmmm, my third entry for the day and it's still early in the day. Let's see what kind of trouble I can get into  expressing myself and my opinions... LOL Who am I kidding??? You can't give me shit for anything as this is MY blog... you want your voice heard than write your own blog :P This one is gonna be a short one because I already know people are looking at the title and saying, "Huh???" Just take a chill pill and read what I have to say and maybe, just maybe, it will make sense to you. I have watched people go through life, falling in love with one person after another... and that is their business, (something I've been guilty of too), but I find love is actually a sacred thing and should be dispersed sparingly.  I want y'all to look at the very phrase itself... "falling in love"...  Do you know what I am getting at? No??? Well, when you use the word "falling", there is obviously an implication that you need to "get back up...

  Hi Lovies. This entry might catch people off guard as I am going to write something that is pretty raw and unfiltered about my life. Some of you know what I am talking about and to others, this will be fresh news. I honestly don't know where to begin because it truly IS how I feel. People always say I am strong; that I am a warrior; that I am the strongest woman they know... to me, that feels like fraud. So let's begin... I have severe abandonment issues, but am also a runner. Yes, they seem to contradict each other, but just chillax as I explain what this means to me. When I was 5 months old, the woman who spit me out (Bio-mother), decided to go on a drinking and whatever binge, leaving me and my 2 1/2 year old brother alone in the apartment. Three days later, the police found us and we were taken away to the CAS (CPS for you Americans). I was immediately taken to the hospital because I had pneumonia in both my lungs and was pretty much at death's door (a door I am quite...