Ramblings of a Canadian Gypsy Phoenix

  Page 120 of 366. Good Afternoon all you fabulous souls!!! I am in a rather odd mood today. I feel somewhat peaceful, but I feel sad at the same time. I am not depressed, like suicidal or anything. It's more of seeing how much our world is in despair and those in power, either don't give a shit, or they are completely about themselves... The very people who are supposed to be working for their countries' citizens, are drowning all of us DAILY!!! I didn't want to make this blurb all about the bullshit that is happening worldwide right now because today I want to sit back and honour those who have sacrificed, and continue to sacrifice themselves for our countries. Today, I clearly remember the moment I spoke to my friend, learning that her daughter, who was a Sub-Lieutenant in the Royal Canadian Navy. Her daughter was merely 23 years old, when she was out on a training operation in Greece, when her mother's biggest fears came to fruition... Her daughter was on a heli...

  Page 119 of 366. Good Day Lovies. I am just lost in my thoughts today. I honestly don't know how to feel anymore. Literally don't know what my feelings are. I think I am just going to go back to bed, throw on some sort of series or movie to watch and hope this hopeless feeling dissipates soon. I don't know how much more my mind can take... The past year has had a lot of ups and downs for me; and I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of worm hole right now. I feel absolutely useless when it comes to someone I love with all my heart.  I am stuck at the sidelines and cannot physically be there to help them... and it is soooo frustrating and painful to me. Maybe because I am a healer and I am not able to do anything. Maybe its the distance that is bothering me... or maybe it's the unknown that is terrifying me. (And I don't get scared very often). I know I don't tend to share every aspect of my life on social media, or even in general. I allow people to know what...

  Page 118 of 366. Good Day everyone. I hope you are all able to enjoy the outdoors today; in spite of a little rain. I really don't like what is going on with me and my body lately... we definitely are NOT friends, right now!!!  I hate saying it, but I have been "off" since a few days before the eclipse and haven't been right since. I have had non-stop headaches, bleeding nose (repeatedly), and a lil blood coming out of my one ear again... FML!!! My sugars are completely out of whack, which isn't excessively unusual for me; but people are seeing it in my face. I am constantly hot, and forever drained. I will keep saying this...  I don't think I have diabetes at all; I think it has to do more with my kidney function (or lack thereof), and my liver that doesn't function properly. I am supposed to take fast acting insulin three times a day, then my slow release at nighttime, plus take ozempic once a week (I had doctor reduce the amount because Ozempic kicks ...

Page 117 of 366. Hi everyone. I really didn't think I would have the energy to write today at all. BUT I saw a reel on facebook this morning, and I cannot keep my thoughts nor my mouth shut!!! https://www.facebook.com/reel/967541328103319 Go ahead... I'll wait while you watch the clip... Done now??? Now I know our world has been getting out of control... but when was it okay for someone/anyone to go on social media and tell people to get firearms and learn how to use them because many people feel that when using the bathroom, it's either "stick" or "no stick" AND this "thing" is on the reel freaking out... telling people to dare to stop from using a particular bathroom. I will get into that in a minute, but first... I will openly say what my opinion is... There are only TWO fkn genders in this world... male and female. No matter how much you mutilate your body, it does NOT change your DNA. I had seen a few videos of press conferences where peop...

  Page 116 of 366. Hello Lovies!!! I finally slept last night, which is a huge feat for me. I have had insomnia since my mid teens... when you are a street kid, you learn real quick how to sleep with one eye open... never truly getting any restful sleep. (It's a skill you never forget!) I have been getting better over the years; but some days/some weeks, it hits me like a brick wall and I can be up for days!!!  I am not sure what is driving the insomnia this time, although I have a good idea. My fibro has been acting up. I have been dealing with severe pain in recent weeks. The pain comes and goes, but when it's bad. it's BAD!!! For those of you who have no problem sleeping, consider yourself blessed. A lot of people don't understand that sleep, a RESTFUL sleep, is vital for the mind, body and soul... when you lack sleep, it messes with you in all kinds of ways. I have become more and more reclusive as the days go by... If it wasn't for me having to leave my apartme...

  Page 114 of 366. Good Morning all you beautiful souls!!! I hope you all had a restful night and are able to get the things you need done, done today :) I am not sure how to describe what exactly has been happening lately, but it FINALLY feels like life is really aligning and correcting what should have been the right path for decades. I feel like karma is FINALLY reaping my rewards. I wake up with a sense of love, and I am able to drift off to sleep feeling loved. It's almost a foreign concept for me; not that I haven't been loved before... I am loved in a way, I never thought possible... let's put it that way. I think a huge part of this change is that I have been letting go (well, working on some of it still), of past traumas by mostly removing the people the traumas are associated with, out of my life. I will admit, letting some of the people "fall out" of my life has been both painful; but relieving at the same time. I am following the wise advice my brother...

  Page 113 of 366. Hi Lovies. I hope all is well with you, and that you're having a great day with this beautiful weather we are having. I am just in a weird kinda mood today. I am coming out of a weekend filled with laughter and love; that I am sooooo at peace right now, I almost don't know what to do with it. I really hope that I have the energy to get some writing in on the crime blog, because every day that passes without writing in there, I feel lazy... I am an odd person that way. I am fascinated with crime, the investigations, the court proceedings and the aftermath.  Once I am done that, I am one of those truth seekers... comes with being a Sagi!!! I look at the case from a different perspective. Like what caused the convicted to do what they did? Why did they choose that person as a victim?? Is the story as black and white as it has been portrayed??? What was the mindset of the perp in the moment???? Most of all, the age old question... is it nature versus nurture????...

  Hi again. I know this entry is probably going to create some emotions for people... they will feel one way, or another. That is 100% their perogative. I am simply writing this from my own personal experience and these are only MY views and opinions. For those of you who know me, you know that I became a widow at a very young age. Teddybear was only 34 years old when he passed on, I was barely 34 (my birthday was 2 months prior)... We are in the 15th year of him no longer roaming this earthly plane, and although I feel his presence often. I know within me that he is at peace and no longer in pain. I cannot tell you anything more than he was larger than life... He was someone who spoke and the room would shut up to listen. He had this sinister laugh with a wicked sense of humour Now you're probably wondering WHY I am writing this today. I was on a social media platform earlier, where someone put up an amusing question... something to the effects that if we die naked do we enter the...

  Page 112 of 366. Good Day my Lovies. It has been a day that I just didn't want to get out of bed... not that I am depressed or anything today; I just have no where to go... not that I generally go out anyways LOL.  There is no denying that when your doctors even call you a "Vampyre", you go with it!!! I am not like most people. I enjoy my space. I enjoy the tranquility and serene vibe I've got going on here. My salt lamps on. My white sage burning. French Vanilla wax burning... and now the scent of food cooking. I don't know, maybe I am a bit on the sad side, at the moment... but that is because I had always been ol school. Sunday was the day family/friends gathered... we'd watch football, or play some sort of game, or we'd just sit and shoot the shit. I would make a big ass dinner and the invitation was there... as a "door's open" policy on Sundays... but ever since the "showdown" (best term to use) between me and one of my kids;...

  Page 111 of 366. Hi Lovies. The weekend is upon us. What are you beautiful souls up to today? I can actually say, I am in a fairly good mood today, even though I have had a lack of sleep... but for a good reason. It looks like the sun is beginning to shine in more aspects in my life; which brings me great joy and a sense of peace I haven't felt in a very long time... if ever!!! The end of the year and the beginning of this one, was one of the roughest times I have ever endured BUT it was also a time of enlightening for me. I had people by my side that literally arrived in my life when I was going through a transformation... I honestly feel like I have been stuck in a cocoon for a very long time, and over this past year, I have finally emerged from it... I am not fully flying yet, but DAMN what a beautiful struggle has created!!! Now, don't think I am going to blurt all my happiness into a blog, because as many wise people have told me... not everyone will be happy for me; and...

  Page 110 of 366. I don't even have a greeting to start this one. I am really in a fkd mood today. I cannot stand how the government, or the powers that be... whoever they are, can breach my own personal private things and do with them what they may!! To start, there is someone who is stealing my own personal photos off my facebook and using it as theirs... I report it to FB and they tell me this doesn't go against their community standards, even though I can prove who I am; AND several of my friends have reported the page too...  Yet, these same dumb fucks can cancel our accounts, throw us in facebook jail (extreme eye roll here); when we speak our minds and tell the truth. Now we got this META bullshit to deal with? FUCK OFF!!! Or how about the fact that us Canadians are not allowed to post news articles on our social media. I know we are still a free country, so until that changes, no one has the right to infringe on my voice and my thoughts. I will go to war BEFORE, and d...

  Page 109 of 366. Good Morning my Lovies. It's Thor's Day... one more day and it is the weekend... You can do this!!! I know our government is fking us all pretty hard with this massive price jump for fuel, but I really hope that doesn't put a damper on your weekend. I am sitting here wondering which crime should I do a deep dive into today. I hate that I have been slacking on both my blogs, but my health has decided to throw me for a loop and have been in bed for quite some time. I was determined to get up today and at least sit on the couch and write.. I guess you could say I have a lot on my mind. I am in the process of rejoining Ancestry DNA. I have uploaded all my DNA profile so I can submit it to another site when I am ready to dig deeper. I still struggle with the decision of doing it in the first place. We only did it so I could find my biological father and it ended up being very frustrating because there were lies that came out and I was conflicted about it all; ...

  Page 108 of 366. Hello my Lovies. It is my favourite day of the week... Yes, I am weird and LOVE Wednesdays. Not just because people classify this day as "Hump" Day. It's the middle of the work week and now people only need to focus on the weekend approaching. It's more like LUMP day for me these days... Yes, as I have said, I have been spending a lot of time in my bed, pretty much all of last week and this week. I don't know what is to come, but I think I am prepared for it. I have always been upfront about my health and my struggles; this is no different. I know my depression is hitting me sooooo hard, but I continue to fight the good fight with the right people behind me. After my overdose in January, I have been seeing things more clearer. I am eternally thankful they had a place like the crisis center I went to. Being there kept me accountable for my actions, and be responsible for my own self care. I, probably for the first time EVER, knew I was in a posit...

  Page 107 of 366. Hi Lovies. How is your week going so far? I know it is only Tuesday, but this has been a very long week for me already LOL... Odin, HELP ME!!! I am going to write about something, not revealing names or anything; but it is something that really cheesed me off the other day. What has happened to society that there is no such thing as loyalty and respect anymore??? To put it simple, a friend of mine had taken steps to remove negativity and negative people from their social media (and I am assuming life, too). Well, I guess their decision slighted some people. I was shocked about the next words that came from the other person...  Now, in the world I live in, there are some names you just don't use, unless it is absolutely necessary and you're willing to defend your mouth with your fists. I won't go into excessive detail but the person who had their ass burnt by the rejection ended up calling my friend a "goof" (to anyone who doesn't know, don...

A new week is upon us... a new day has begun and I already feel overwhelmed. No, I am not complaining. I had two medical appointments this morning; my only issue is these appointments are like 5 minutes each, so why can't things just be dealt with over the phone??? I thought since COVID, doctors and specialists didn't care if the appt was over the phone due to lack of privacy... that's fallen out the window a LONG time ago. So we are going to have to monitor things even more closely now and once I am done these medications I already have, they are either switching them completely, or starting me on a bigger regiment... Have I mentioned how much I HATE medication??? I guess, in reality, I should not complaint too much. I am thankful that my family physician is VERY accessible. I would much rather have all natural things to heal me with, but I am blessed that there IS medication to keep my numbers fairly level. I really couldn't imagine living in a third world country, wh...

  Good Day my Lovies... I hope all is well with you. I am trying to be okay. I have two medical appointments tomorrow, neither of which I am looking forward to; but I also need answers, so it is what it is. I am not beginning my week, nor ending my weekend with negative stuff because I need to focus on tomorrow and where things are leading. For today, I will cope with my tremors and insanely high glucose readings. Today feels like a good day to keep the curtains shut, even though it is rather nice out. I really want to focus on the next few cases I have chosen for my crime blog; one is very personal for me. One is personal for my sister and the other is one beloved asked about...  I will apologize now if it takes me a bit to get them posted because two of the cases I am not too familiar with; and with my hand twitching the way it is, I need to take breaks often. I am not complaining, because I am still alive, walking, talking and for the most part am fairly functioning well......

  Page 104 of 366. Hello my Lovies. I hope you all have a great weekend, inspite of the crappy rain. I love the rain, (it shows me that even when the clouds get heavy; they cry!!!) but I know most of you don't. Soooooo... I don't even know why I am doing a blog entry today. I've lost my desire to write. I am only breathing for the sake of keeping my body alive. I don't crave nor want for nothing. I have accepted what is, and what isn't!!! Fate is cruel like that!!! People often say, "life goes on..." I sincerely wonder if they even know what they're talking about anymore. "They" seem to give a lot of advice BUT who the fuck are "they" to begin with??? I think this is all for today, as I can feel the anger sliding on the keyboard from my hands that haven't stop tremoring in days. ~Phoenix

Page 103 of 366. Hi everyone. I know it has been a few days since I have written in my blog... a few blank pages, filled with pain and sorrow. I don't even know how to put down in words what I am feeling, at the moment... I may seem like a very strong person, but that is just my shell. Inside, I am nothing but broken and filled with emptiness. I know, I have said, when I love... I LOVE HARD!!! That is the truth; but I also tend to get very afraid when things are going right. I self-sabotage things that are good for me because I feel I don't deserve them. I know to someone on the outside, this sounds utterly ridiculous, but I feel they are valid... to me. And I don't think they should be dismissed because people don't understand. Please don't get it twisted... I DO feel my feelings are valid; I don't think the way I reacted was the right thing to do. I am not going to mention names, but we were taking things slow; building on a friendship that came literally in t...

  Page 100 of 366. Hello my Lovies. Today's blurb was inspired by a conversation I had earlier today. The title is exactly what this entry is about. Remember when we were kids it was, "STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES; BUT NAMES WILL NEVER HURT ME!!!" I can tell you, with every fiber of my being, this is NOT true. I am not talking about the names people call you when they are angry... to me, that is what those children's words meant. I'm just gonna say it... I have a huge problem with people calling me "Crystal"... I am not saying that it is a terrible name, it's my own personal history with the name itself. See, Crystal was my birth name... I associate it with abandonment. Being unwanted. In general, it simply is PAIN to me; unimaginable pain and heartache. When I met the woman who gave birth to me, on my 19th birthday, she kept insisting my name was "Crystal" and that I was to call her "mom"... Pardon me??? To this day, she ...

BRING ON THE DEVIL'S COMET TOO!!! Page 99 of 366. I am not going to do all the sweet sentiments that I usualy post at the beginning today because this is going to be the shortest blurb I am ever going to write; but probably the most impactful one... I know, a lot of us grew up in a world where we were taught to hate one thing or another; without really much of an explanation. We were taught that certain races were inferior, while others were just a waste of skin, even ones that felt they were superior to everyone.  People say that children don't know what hate is... Yes, this is true if there is no familial or outside influence to change that innocence. Children only follow what they know, until they are taught better; or as I saw last night, some adults never got the memo. I want to make something very clear today... Most of you know some part of my life. I share only what I want you to know, as does every human... I am still going to keep my privacy as much as I can, but this...

  Page 98 of 366. I am not sure how much time I am going to spend on this blurb today because honestly the subject of this whole story just pisses me off. Yes, I am talking about the one and only Gypsy Rose Blanchard. I am actually doing the crime story in my blog today as well, so I can put this bullshit to rest... When did it become okay for society to praise and idolize criminals??? (Here come all the bitching about how she was abused and she had no choice... and I call absolute HORSESHIT!!! Media is following this chick like they're bloodhounds... literally to the point that I bet if I looked enough, I'd find out when she was taking a crap. OMG I am sooooooo over the Gypsy-Rose tales. Where did society go sooooooo wrong that this woman/murderer is of such interest to the world? People get abused everyday. People are tortured every day. Do we know it was to the extent that GYPSY is telling people??? Honestly, none of us know what happened behind closed doors; but as you will...