Ramblings of a Canadian Gypsy Phoenix

Wow, this is my third entry today. I had full intentions to chillax all day, alas the universe had other plans for me!!! I woke up at the crack ass of dawn. Why the hell would anyone wanna be up at that time on a Saturday??? Inquiring minds need to know?!! I went up to my sister's, shot the shyt for a while with her and Ma; came back downstairs; listening to tunes and relaxing. Unfortunately, that didn't last long... I didn't hear a thing until my roommate came into my room, informing that there are 12 fire trucks outside and the fire alarms are going off in the hallways. I know that I am supposed to stay in my apartment until a firefighter helps get me out of the building; but I had my roommate with me, so we took the stairs... it was only one floor. There were ashes falling in the stairwell... my apartment is beside the stairwell. We were stopped by three firefighters that told us it was safer for us to remain in the apartment, until further notice. We returned and went o...

Hi y'all. I will apologize now; this blurb is going to be a disturbing one. It's about a recent event that happened... something I am having a very difficult time wrapping my head around.  (It is not a personal story, nor of anyone I know; but fuck me... it hit deep. This world we live in is f*ckered BEYOND recognition!!!) Here it goes... Beth Martin, 28, travelled from the United Kingdom to Turkey with her husband Luke and their two young children. She began to feel sick already on the flight there, initially thinking it was simply food poisoning, but her health deteroriated quickly. Due to a language barrier, and lack of medical assistance, after 2 days, an ambulance DID come and take Beth to the hospital; by this point she was delirious... This is where the story gets "twisted", for lack of a better word.  For starters, her husband, Luke, was barred from seeing his wife. (By this time Beth had died, but due to the lack of an interpreter, Luke had no idea, and no on...

  Page 151 of 365. Good Morning Lovies. The weekend is upon us, I hope you all have a great one, in whatever you have planned. I think (well, more like HOPE), my day will just consist of writing and chillaxing. I didn't do a lot yesterday, but it took everything out of me. IYKYK I am not complaining. I got to spend time with my "purple". I did a lil shopping and I got a tattoo... MAN, I have missed my ink therapy!!! It was a real "trial and error" kinda of session though ~ in the sense.  I have been off my blood thinners for a little while now; but, I have been getting random bleeding and clots still.  I am beyond happy to say that I did not bleed at all during the tattoo, and miniscule after. I got some good news yesterday too; so all around Friday was a "bangin" day!!! For my regular readers, you know about the douchecanoe that did maintenance in the building I live in... well, he "resigned" yesterday. Obviously, I am going to continue to k...

I know... I am contradicting the picture, but who would I be, if I kept my mouth shut on such a sensitive subject???  I have never been one to shy away from voicing my opinion, and I sure as hell am not going to stop now... I was just scrolling through social media when I landed on an article that  BLEW MY MIND!!! I cannot find the link right now; if I do find it, I will add it to this blurb at a later time... basically, if you are Canadian, more specifically from Ontario, generally in Toronto, Ontario or the GTA (Greater Toronto Area)... this is something you should all be reading up on. HERE IS THE LINK: Black Mandated Shelters!!! (Read article here) There is an organization called B3... well city council has passed it, and now they are creating BLACK MANDATED HOMELESS SHELTERS, where everyone from the staff to the residents are Black or of African descent... People are sending in applications, and according to the government, they do not have to have any experience to run a...

  Page 148 of 365. Good Afternoon all you beautiful souls. I hope you're having a great Wetnesday (yah, I KNOW I spelled it wrong... it's been rainy all day, felt fitting)!!! I know it is only Wednesday, but I have been having a bit of a "go" since Thursday last week.  I had been trying to keep it to myself, but I tend to share with my person (my purple) all of my woes... God, he sure has some strong shoulders for all that I spew; especially if I spit venom. I am just grateful that, for the most part, he has known me long enough to know, it isn't directed at him. He is my saving grace when I am in the depths of my dispair. I had a tough time the past few days because my "livelihood" was left in the hands of someone who was very frivolous with it. My sanity was hanging by a thread, which led to a series of unfortunate events... Insecurities and other bullshit that was past history, reared its ugly head, giving me pause and placing me in a vulnerable place...

Page 145 of 365.  Good Afternoon Lovies. How goes it??? I am just in a chillaxed mood today. "In the zone", so to speak... I got up at a decent time. I fall asleep at a decent hour every night, even if I wake up around the witching hour and up for an hour or so, I sleep again for a few hours and feel completely rested in the morn. Today was no different. I felt pretty content going to sleep last night, and the feeling continued into today... at least for most of it. I decided, today I was going to make a decent meal. The other day, the roommates wanted home-made (as if there is any other, in this house) Greek food. So on Thor's Day I made souvlaki and Greek potatoes. Friday ended up being a shit show of sorts, and we ended up going out to a restaurant for dinner... this is rare, trust me. I am not a people person... Social anxiety is a real struggle!!! Friday night was British/Scottish for me... Fish & Chips, I didn't have mushy peas though (I think peas are vile....

Page 141 of 365 Good afternoon Lovies. It's a dreary day outside; I still hope you are all having a good one. I sat here last night, getting kinda stuck in there... Yah, one of those kind of nights. I don't feel it was such a bad thing... it was more of a recognition of personal growth, and being at peace with certain things and people. I used to be such a bitter bitch, and would take a lot of things very personal. I couldn't wait for karma to do its thang.. What life has truly taught me is things fall into place when they are meant to. I am trying to accept that my parents are simply who they are, and it is okay if I don't stay in regular contact with them. The battle has been long enough. My dad is sick, my mother isn't doing great... I struggle with myconscience about that, so I will TRY to stay in some form of contact; but I am going to listen to someone who knows me (probably better than I know myself)... I can't keep trying to get them to love me.  What is...

Hey y'all. Sorry, I am stuck in my head, this may be an "all over the place" sort of blurb. I know this one is going to be a bit of a touchy subject; but please know this is coming from a good space... I am hearing A LOT, how people are really wanting a partner/significant other (SO).  I am watching all too often people jumping at whatever is "served up to them", feeling they'd rather have anyone over what they truly deserve.  Doing this is only leading to deeper heartache. TRUST, I am speaking from personal experience. I've had a few relationships in my life, and if I look at them chronologically, you can really see where I was at mentally. I won't say they were necessarily mistakes BUT I can certainly say each one was a lesson!!! It wasn't until my last relationhip (which ended in the beginning of 2023), that I had made a vow to myself I would work on me, giving it at LEAST 13 months before I even thought about dating anyone again. I wanted to ...

Page 139 of 365.  Good Afternoon Lovies. It's the last day of Victoria weekend here in Canada, back to the grind tomorrow for most.I guess for some it sucked because it rained a few times (even some wicked storms), hope you all stayed dry and don't get sick from it. Maybe it comes with age; maybe it comes with personal experiences; but I simply could care less about these long weekends, or any holiday really!!! The summer long weekends usually mean, heavy drinking, getting high, and doing stupid shyt. Since I wasn't a drinker nor do any (street) drugs, I had the "joy" of dealing with belligerent and vile behaviour from at least a few. We ALL know there are a few in every bunch Nah, my ideal long weekend consists of being out in the woods, by a lake... fishing during the day and sitting by a fire later at night... becoming one with nature; listening to the loons, the wolves and various other creatures of the night. To me, that is heaven. Now if people are going to ...

  Hey y'all. I felt it important to do a mental health check in. I know everyone deals with mental health in one form or another.  As you know, I am very outspoken about my own personal journey; and I jope to continue to do so. If my experiences can help even one person understand that they are not alone... than I am grateful!!!! (Before I go down this path, please remember I do NOT talk about others struggles on here. Their journey is theirs, and it is their story to tell... not mine!!!) This past week, probably two weeks have been pretty heavy. I have been spending a lot of time in my room, which I tend to make into a dungeon. Cool, dark and therapeutic music... which can range from heavy metal to thunderstorms to frequency therapy to Ava Satanas (Dark Monastery Gregoriam Chants). Either way, I have been noticing I have started isolating myself and been trying to shake out whatever inner demons are surfacing. Some of you may not know this about me, but I have had bouts of de...

  Page 137 of 365.  Good Morning Lovies.  It's the first official long weekend of "summer" here in Canada. My laptop is showing me that it is "light rain" outside... if the temperatures are as hot as they were yesterday then I am welcoming this. If I was out in the country... I'd be out dancing in it.  Yes, I am weird to some people AND there is an actual name for it... I am a storm lover aka Pluviophile. You all know me, so there is technically two terms I can use, the other being that I love thunder and lightning (thunderstorms), that's a Ceraunophile.  I'm not much for labels... I'll stick with that I find storms and rain sensual... on many levels!!! Welp, it is Victoria Day weekend here... usually called "May 2-4" here in the Great (White) North... I am staying home, pretty grateful I am not going to be stuck in the surge of insane traffic heading to cottage country. I don't miss the days of people being soooo smashed out of the...

  Good Afternoon Lovies. I hope the day is treating you well. It's Thor's Day... the weekend is one day away. A LONG weekend for most. Anyone have plans???  (I still can't wrap my head around the fact that we are half way through May already!!!) In previous years, I'd be packing up the camping equipment and be setting off on an adventure; didn't need a destination. Simply, a roadtrip... wherever the car stopped, we stayed LOL. As a child to mid teenager, this weekend meant work... and HARD work.  My father (adopted) owned a landscaping company, and anybody who knows anything about gardening, knows that this weekend (May 2-4) is the weekend we toil the soil and plant the gardens. It's a bittersweet moment having these memories pop up right now. As y'all are aware, I don't have a great relationship with my parents: but I am NOT making this post about that today... I am looking beyond that. I got a text message from my dad this morning. Long story short, he...

  Page 131 of 365. Good Afternoon my Lovies. First, let me begin with wishing all the beautiful mothers (those that are with us and those that have passed on) a wonderful Mother's Day.  This also goes out to all the Stepmoms who stepped up, including my son's bonus mom... Her and his father did an awesome job raising a well-rounded, respectful young man. Let's remember those who are mothers to angel babies; mothers of furbabies... also I want to acknowledge those Dads who stepped up and took on the role of mother as well.  Everyone who plays the motherly role in any child's life deserves recognition today!!! I know the picture doesn't really represent Mother's Day to the average person, unfortunately it is EXACTLY what it represents to me when it comes to my "Mother"... I DO wish her a Happy Mother's Day, but I won't be seeing her. I have chosen my path... and it is the path of peace.  I am listening to the wisest person I know; also the person...

  Page 130 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. Happy Caturday :) I truly hope everyone is out there enjoying this fantastic weather.  For those out and about on two wheels, Keep those knees to the breeze and rubber side down. Never ride faster than your guardian angel can fly.... above all that, enjoy your wind therapy. Stay safe, riding season has just begun.  For those who have managed to escape the concrete jungle and enjoy the tranquility of the country. I hope your respite gave you the peace you needed to recharge. I really am hopeful everyone had a blast, and new memories will live long!!! Today, for me is a bit of a tough one. A lot of people may not realize that today (the Saturday before Mother's Day) is Birth Mother's Day. Birth Mother’s Day is a mindful tribute to recognize birth mothers who chose to place their children for adoption. I can understand the sentiment behind this day... but I have a hate/love relationship with it... in fact, this day leaves me ver...

  Page 129 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. It is FriYay!!!  Today is probably a normal day for most, and I have been trying my hardest to just let this day slip by, like any other day; but my heart can't seem to quite let go yet... Today, is Wayne (aka Teddybear)'s 50th birthday. This is his 16th birthday we are without him.  Fuck me, 16 years!!! I wasn't sure I would be able to get my ass out of bed today, but I did. I had made a conscious decision that I was going to celebrate his birthday this year, instead of crying and drowning myself in our memories.  (It is REALLY hard to tuck away our years together in a lil package in my heart and just leave it there, when it ended with me waking up with you dead beside me, one fateful morning; but damnit I am trying!!!) As people know, I am a very spiritual person... I know that when people pass, their human shell goes, but their spirits/souls (whatever you want to call them) sometimes remain, knowing their "job" here isn...

  Page 128 of 365. Good Afternoon Lovies. I hope you all had a fantastic Thor's Day!!!  Today begins a string of difficult days ahead... I am trying to poise myself to view these days with positivity, and hope that not too many tears will fall through the coming days... Today is my (adopted) sister's birthday. I haven't spoken, nor seen her since January; and that was at a family breakfast to celebrate dad's 86th birthday. We didn't really get a chance to speak, and to be perfectly honest it wasn't much of a conversation. Don't get it twisted, I don't have an issue with my sister because despite her religious views, she never frowned upon me. She never scolded me, nor bashed me for completely turning my back on Christianity and the strict rules pertaining to ANY religious organization.  We just don't have the sisterly relationship that most sisters have. She is 8 years older than me, and in our younger years, she didn't follow the straight and na...

  Page 124 of 365. Good Afternoon all you beautiful Lovies. I hope you all had a great weekend, without any (serious) consequences. For me, it has been a rather peaceful one. Yesterday afternoon and into the late evening, I was worried I had to go to the hospital because I was having severe chest pains. I wanted to think it was heartburn or my acid reflux... but it was lasting wayyy too long and it was into my back and shoulders.  Today, I am toying with my medications to see if it was my newest medication (I started on Thursday), that was causing all this pain. It's times like these, I am very grateful to have roommates. Don't get me wrong, I love my solitude, but for my health, it seems I need someone to be around me. Is this really what it's like to get older??? I am only turning 50 at the end of the year!!! I hope that each and every one of you, have a fantabulous Sunday Funday. Enjoy the weather while you can, because it looks like the temperatures are dropping going i...

  Page 123 of 365. Good Evening Lovies. I am not sure long this blurb is going to be.  I am kinda cheesed about what is happening around the world right now, especially here in Canada. I came across a video of new immigrants/refugees that have landed here in our beautiful country... Under our crazy ass government, who is totally taking care of anyone who is NOT Canadian, before their own people... It has been a disgusting 10 years to say the least. Today, once again, I am seeing a certain group of people, who have taken advantage of our country's generosity. They take over the streets to parade around their religious beliefs. They block traffic, that had it been any other religious group, they would have been beaten and arrested by police for 1. disturbing the peace. 2. interruptingthe public... among various other laws; really anything the judicial system would throw at us/them. Today, as we are seeing, more and more, there is a video circulating of the same group burning the...

  Page 122 of 365. Good Morning Lovies. I hope the day is treating you well. When y'all clock out, the weekend begins... may you enjoy all your plans you made.  I will happily enjoy my bubble, which has become extremely peaceful lately. I know I don't share every detail of my life on social media... I don't even share every detail with people I know in real life.  I tend to keep most things to myself, or those within my circle... those who "sit at my table", sort of deal!!!  I think there is only one person who knows every detail of my life, and I am good with that!!! Just sitting here thinking about all the bullshit I am dealing with, both my adopted family and biological maternal family, and I sit in peace. I know, I have days where I let it get to me, but most days... I am okay with not having them in my life. Toxic is toxic, no matter how you're connected to them.  (That being said, I know, I am toxic to others as well. I hope one day that will change, but...